London
by RhondaStar
Summary: 3 months after his wedding Joe is finding married life a little harder than he expected FINALLY finished!
1. Default Chapter

_This story is set after "By the Lake", three months have passed but unfortunately things aren't going perfectly. Be warned – you may not like Joe, or Clarisse for that matter, for some of it – sorry!!!!! I tried to imagine how Joe might feel having gone from Head of Security to husband of a royal, and the problems that he may face adjusting._

Part 1  


Joseph watched from his vantage point in the garden as Charlotte hurried across the courtyard, he wondered what the rush was and once again resented the fact he no longer wore his earpiece. You knew a hell of a lot more about the events in the palace when you were part of the 'communication circle'. Closing his book he got to his feet and decided to have a wander inside, it was cold out here anyway, far too cold for sitting in the garden. November had arrived swiftly and with it frosty mornings and chilly nights.  
  
Passing by Charlotte in the foyer he almost stopped to chat to her but she looked harassed, Mia had been away for the past week and was due back at anytime. Part of him wished he joined his 'Granddaughter' on her trip to San Francisco, he missed being around her lively attitude, Clarisse was always so preoccupied, so busy. Unfortunately their honeymoon seemed a lifetime ago, she'd tried bless her. The first few weeks back in the palace were bliss but gradually she'd slipped away from him again, distanced herself with work and commitments. It wouldn't have bothered him that much, afterall he'd expected it, but the fact was now he was retired life was quiet. And though he hated to admit it, fairly boring at times.  
  
He'd never been one for low-key activities, painting, reading, pottering around the garden as Clarisse did on her days off, it had never appealed to him. There was only so much basketball you could play on your own and snatching the odd fifteen minutes with the security team did little to break up his long days.  
  
He opened his book up as he walked the lengthy corridors and once again looked over the letter he'd hidden in there. He wasn't sure what would have been worse, receiving a letter from his brother that badmouthed both he and the life he was living or what had actually happened, a simple return of his own letter. It was the third time Joe had written to his brother in a month, each letter asking him to bring his family and stay for a while in the palace. Now he had the capability to do such things Joe wanted to share his good fortune with his family, he could think of nothing better. It had started in late September, he'd taken a few days alone and flown home to visit his little brother Rico, they'd argued and in the end Joe had flown home disheartened and crestfallen. He never told Clarisse of course as far as she knew the family were happy for him and simply too busy to visit. No point in dropping his family's hang-ups about the aristocracy on her shoulders, she had enough on her mind as it was.

Mia was flourishing as Queen but Clarisse was still on hand, still the power behind the crown. He was glad he'd been around to see such changes as women sitting in parliament and the grand opening of the children's shelter at the winter castle. He'd always known just how much Mia was capable of giving, and how well she was going to perform as Queen and to witness the growth first hand pleased him greatly. The only drawback being that Mia was still learning, and still had a lot to learn and Clarisse wasn't about to step down and disappear when her help was required.  
  
He snapped his book shut and turned the corner to Clarisse's office, standing aside as two maids came rushing out, he watched from a distance at the goings-on in the room. People fussing, working, answering calls and in the centre Clarisse, calm and serene at her desk, organising the chaos. She noticed him by the door and smiled, just slightly, not that anybody but he would notice. He took it as a welcome sign anyhow and went in, straight to her desk, to her side, bending down and whispering in her ear.  
  
"It's almost 2."  
  
"It is?" She looked at him questioningly.

"We planned lunch in the garden at 1."

She folded her hands together. "Oh, I'm sorry."  
  
He shook his head dismissing it as trivial. "Doesn't matter, I ate alone in the end." He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.  
  
"Can I enquire whether madam will be free for dinner?" He tried to sound light hearted but it annoyed him that she was beckoning a young intern over at the same time and giving out instructions regarding Mia's return.

"Oh Joseph I don't know, I just... Thank you Alice, could you take these through to Mia's office please, they require her signature alongside mine."

Joe stood up, "it doesn't matter, you're busy, I'll leave you alone."  
  
He left quickly and headed for the stables, perhaps a ride would clear his mind.

* * *

Clarisse didn't make it for dinner and in the end Joe found himself eating in the small kitchen with the staff, it was the most pleasant evening he'd had in a long time. The camaraderie was still present, the jokes still passed around the table and although he was 'on the other side' now it didn't seem to put them off. He was now the butt of many of the jokes rather than the instigator of them that was all. His evening was cut short when Charlotte entered the room looking for him.  
  
"Her majesty wishes to speak with you Sir." She was too formal by half at times Charlotte.  
  
"Joe, I told you last week I'm still Joe." He said getting up from the table and dropping his cards. "Sorry, duty calls, thanks for the game guys."  
  
Charlotte left him at the top of the stairs and he made his way to Clarisse's suite – well his suite aswell now, he supposed.  
  
She was already changed and relaxing by the fire with a book when he got there.

"Well, I've been summoned." He quipped raising his arms to announce his arrival.

She looked up sharply, "where were you?"  
  
"Playing cards as it happens, with some of the staff." He sat down on the couch, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes.  
  
"Oh."  
  
He couldn't see her look but sensed the disapproval in her voice.

"Well the thing is Joseph, I have to go to London."  
  
At this he sat bolt upright. "You do, when?"

"Next week, only for a couple of days, but I was thinking, now Mia is back we could take a few days there for ourselves. Extend the trip."

He couldn't help but smile broadly. "That would be wonderful Clarisse, just great."  
  
"Good, I hoped you'd like the idea. You did promise me a shopping trip afterall."

"I did didn't I."  
  
"And with Christmas coming up, well, I thought we could make the most of the week. See the sights, take in a show."  
  
His spirits lifted immediately. "Perfect, I've been looking forward to having you to myself again."

"I know."  
  
She was interrupted by a call from Charlotte wanting to clarify dates and times and whom Clarisse was going to meet with and who she wasn't. It didn't bother him though; they were going on a trip. Perhaps now they'd get some quality time together.

* * *

It was only a short flight to the city but Clarisse dosed on the plane; Joseph attempted to watch a movie but bored of it pretty quickly. It was difficult being right there with her yet knowing that somebody else was 'watching' her in his place. Obviously not watching her in exactly the same way he used to, god forbid, but still it was quite a shock to find he wasn't the first in line to protect her.  
  
Adapting had been tricky, he still stepped in front of her when somebody got too close or posed any kind of threat. It had turned out embarrassing as it was, an incident at a walk-about had resulted in him barging straight into George, one of the new members of the security detail. Clarisse had smiled sympathetically as he was forced to step aside and allow the job to be done by somebody else. They hadn't spoken about it but it stung. Regulated, that's how it felt, still a step behind her but no longer useful.  
  
The flight was smooth and they landed at Heathrow around 3 in the afternoon. Clarisse was escorted quickly to her car and Joseph followed leisurely, stepping out of the plane and smiling to himself. Greeted by rain, England never failed to deliver. Yet he'd always enjoyed their visits here in the past, they were treated - well like royalty. Clarisse often dined at Buckingham Palace, that was some perk to the job, he'd seen some of the most magnificent sights of the world at her side. He wondered how he would feel now, sitting by her side at that enormous table, the Queen of England engaging him in conversation. What would his Mother think? Bloody hell what would he say, what if he came across as some dumb former security guard who knew nothing? Keep smiling Joseph, keep smiling.  
  
Ignoring the few members of the press waiting for their arrival he climbed into the car leaving Clarisse to answer whatever questions were thrown at her. She was better at handling things like that than he, besides he was exhausted. Roll on the next few days so they could simply be a couple enjoying a trip together. This political stuff could drive him crazy after a while.

* * *

Lavish was the only word Joseph could think of to describe it. He'd never seen the extent of the apartment Clarisse always stayed in, now he had. He could swim in the bathtub; he could probably roll over in bed in the middle of the night and never even touch her. There must have been more money spent on the upkeep of this hotel than on a small country, he tried to appear as casual as possible when they were shown to the top floor. But as the manager kept Clarisse talking he dug his hands in his pockets and wandered through the other rooms, meeting George in the office as he briefed Toby, a brand new recruit, on the aspects of checking the office for potential threats. He sat down in there and listened as George listed off the many things they were expected to look for. He couldn't fault the man's attention to detail.  
  
They were dismissed instantly as Clarisse entered the room, taking a seat at the desk she turned in her chair to face him.

"Well, thank you for that."

"For what?" He asked dumbfounded.

"Stopping to greet the manger with me, he's an old friend, I wanted you to at least say hello."

"I did say hello." He leant back on the couch, draping his arms along the back of it.  
  
"And little else. And at the airport, you couldn't stand behind me as I met the press?"

"What did you need me for, George was there."

"I meant as my husband, not my security."

He shrugged. "I didn't think I had anything relevant to say."

"But your support would have been nice."

"You know you have it."  
  
She watched dejected as he rose and moved to the window, the rain still fell, snaking down the glass and obscuring the view of the traffic below. Somehow it made it appear poetic.  
  
"Well, are you tired, would like to rest for a while before dinner?"

"Dinner?" He asked watching her face in the glass.  
  
"Yes, we have reservations this evening."  
  
"With somebody important I'm guessing."  
  
"If you mean important in the sense of trade negotiations then yes, a polite dinner can do wonders for easing more, shall we say political matters."  
  
"Yeah, I know. I've watched you work for many years. You could have warned me earlier."

"I thought I did."  
  
His clipped tone was starting to aggravate her, but she would overlook it for the moment. Perhaps he was simply irritable after the flight.  
  
"Why don't you go take a shower and try and relax."

"Have you seen that bathroom?" He asked spinning round.  
  
She smiled brightly. "Impressive isn't it."  
  
He raised an eye. "Over the top I'd say."

She sighed. "Joseph what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Nothing, I'll go take a shower and change. What time am I to report for duty?"

She fiddled with the bracelet on her wrist. "7:30 but I wish you wouldn't keep saying that. Especially in front of the staff..."  
  
He stared at her blankly.  
  
"I know what you say Joseph, I'm summoning you, it might be a joke but I wish you wouldn't say it. Lord knows what they must think."  
  
"You forget 'they' are my friends, or used to be." He loosened his tie as he crossed the room. "7:30, plenty of time for a drink in the bar before we leave."

Clarisse closed her eyes for a second and drew a calming breath before picking up the telephone and asking to be connected to the palace in Genovia. A brief chat with Mia might ease the tension building behind her eyes.

* * *

As disasters went Clarisse would be hard pressed to find one that would match up to tonight's events. Sure there had been no raised voices or broken dishes but the atmosphere surrounding dinner had been temperamental to say the least. Joseph, for no apparent reason that she could see, had taken an instant dislike to Arthur, one of them men they had met for dinner. Every opportunity he got he either stared the man down or offered some cynical response to his anecdotes. At one point she thought she might have to kick him under the table if he didn't calm down.  
  
The journey home was frosty and silent; Clarisse tapped her fingernails along the edge of the door biting her tongue until they were alone. The closing of the apartment door couldn't come quick enough. Joseph dropped his jacket on the back of a chair and crossed the room leaving her there fuming – did he think it had gone well?  
  
She followed him into the bathroom, her heels clipping the tiled floor, and watched as he rinsed his face. He seemed stunned when he looked up and caught her eye.  
  
"Well?" She said as calmly as she could.  
  
"Well what?" He responded burying his face in a towel.  
  
"You can't possibly think tonight's behaviour was acceptable."  
  
"I'm not your child Clarisse."  
  
"But you are my husband, and I know this is new to you but come on Joseph you know how these things work."  
  
"I'm not sure what I did that was so god damn terrible."  
  
"You were downright rude to the man. You didn't have one positive comment all night."  
  
He shrugged. "I told you your dress looked nice."  
  
She closed her eyes biting back her ire. "Joseph, at the moment your reasons for tonights behaviour are known only to you.""I didn't like the way he looked at you." He said flatly walking past her. 

She caught his arm and held him back. "You didn't like the way... he looked at me."  
  
"No. I didn't."

"Oh dear god, tell me this isn't some jealous streak rearing its head. Surely we're beyond that by this stage in our lives."

He shook her off. "I think I need a drink."

"Haven't you had enough?" She called after him only to be greeted by the slamming of the door as he left the apartment.

* * *

Downstairs Joseph cradled his glass until the liquid inside started to warm. He wasn't about to inform Clarisse he had sat at one corner of the bar with the same solitary whisky for two hours. He was waiting until it was too late to talk and she would be in bed.  
  
What the hell was happening to him? Had he really disappointed her that badly tonight, embarrassed her even? Tomorrow would bring grovelling of some kind for her no doubt, to the men at dinner not him. He downed the contents of his glass, he didn't particularly enjoy whisky but it seemed an apt choice for an old man who was arguing with his wife. The fact his wife happened to be the former Queen of a country was a small sideline...  
  
On the walk back to the apartment, he took the stairs to use up more time, he desperately tried to recall the feelings he'd had but a few months before. So much hope and expectation and dreams. He thought she'd shared them too. Perhaps she did, perhaps this was simply a blip in the relationship, an adjustment period. If it was he prayed it would pass quickly, he wasn't sure he could face many more months like the ones that had passed.  
  
Noting Toby was by the door, and looking a little drowsy, he quickly said his good evenings and went inside. He'd expected darkness to greet him but instead found the lamps still on in the room, hesitantly moving through to the lounge ready to face her wrath he instead found her sleeping on the couch. She'd waited for him for the past two hours. Her glasses rested on her nose, a book in her lap.  
  
He expertly removed the glasses and marked the page for her before placing the book on the coffee table. He bent down next to her and brushed a finger down her cheek, god she was beautiful, she could take his breath away. Guilt over his behaviour hit like a ton of bricks as he gently slid his arm beneath her knees and lifted her into his arms. She moaned a little before resting her head against his chest.  
  
The bedroom was still unfamiliar and he almost tripped on the step up to it, she never murmured though until he placed her on the bed and began to cover her sleeping body. She said his name, turned over and snuggled down into the thick quilts.  
  
What the hell was he thinking? This was all he ever wanted, deal with the shit that goes with it and think yourself lucky. It was as simple as that in the end, wasn't it?

_I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart. But if I stay here just a little bit longer, if I stay here won't you listen to my heart. Won't you listen to my heart..._


	2. part 2

_Ohhh and it gets worse before it gets better! Please don't hate me, or Joseph for that matter. He has it reasons they're just difficult to explain..._

Part 2

Joseph was used to waking alone now, in fact he'd fallen into a routine. Many nights he would stay up late reading or watching television, a pastime he never usually indulged in, then he'd wake late into the morning. Clarisse as always would be up and around early, walking Maurice, dealing with any issues that had arisen the previous day before continuing with her usual schedule. Only this morning when he turned over she was watching him, on her side, one hand tucked beneath her face so she could see him clearly. He hesitated before speaking, the previous nights events creeping in as sleep cleared.  
  
"Morning."  
  
"Hello." She sounded alright; calm enough, so he continued.

"Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. If I caused you any problems..."  
  
"The 'problems' i can deal with, I'm used to dealing with other people's problems. What i can't deal with is the fact you're obviously keeping something from me."  
  
He turned onto his back, hoping to avoid her gaze.  
  
"I know it hasn't been easy so far, but we both knew the changes would be huge and the adjustment period a little rocky."  
  
"I never said anything was wrong."  
  
"You think I can't tell when you're keeping something from me Joseph, I've known you for long enough now. Why don't you just talk to me, I could help..."  
  
He sat up abruptly as she reached for his hand. "Nothing is wrong. I told you, I'm fine, just... just feeling a little useless that's all. I'll snap out of it." He dropped his legs out of bed and was about to get up when she moved behind him resting a hand on his shoulder.  
  
"You can come to me, you know that don't you."

"Yes, I know."  
  
He said nothing more and disappeared into the bathroom for a shower, the last thing he wanted was to drop his feelings of inadequacy onto her shoulders. He'd never been the one who wasn't in the driving seat, he'd never felt weak in his life - it was something he wasn't used to and he was sure as hell struggling to get through it.

* * *

Clarisse came to speak with him as he stood beneath the hot water, letting it unfold his muscles and quiet his mind.  
  
"Joseph..."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I have to go now, my first meeting is at 10."  
  
"Your first meeting?"  
  
"I have a few planned, I was going to suggest lunch together but, well, I've been scheduled in already."  
  
"It's alright, I'll occupy my time I'm sure."  
  
"I'm sorry, you could come along, if you wanted..."  
  
"Not a great idea after last night do you think."  
  
"Possibly not," he sensed a smile in her voice. "Why don't you relax and enjoy your day of freedom and I'll see you later tonight."  
  
"That late?"  
  
"I should be back for 6:30, 7 at the latest."  
  
"Right, ok, well, have a good day darling." he tried to sound sincere but somehow the thought of her going off and attending to all these things without him there watching over her was a little disconcerting.  
  
"Alright, you too." She had hoped for a kiss goodbye, which obviously wasn't forthcoming.

* * *

Joe ate breakfast in the lounge downstairs, surrounded by the rich and famous, though he was hard pressed to name any of them. Still he couldn't fault the food and he rather enjoyed sitting there listening to all those upper class gents with their morning papers and proper English accents. Perhaps in time he would get used to this way of life afterall, decadence, luxury, no worries, no pressing engagements or big decisions to make, other than organising his new sock drawer of course.  
  
The offer had been there for him to visit The Houses of Parliament, which he decided to do mid-morning. Sitting in the Lords and listening in on the drawling of old men he found more interest in taking in his surroundings. So much gold, so much history, he had the guide book on his lap and read about what he was seeing. Though nowhere in the guide could he find a reference for men who fell to sleep or those who arrived late, stayed for ten minutes and then disappeared again. Perhaps there was a different guidebook for them.  
  
He soon bored of it all anyway, sure it was historic and monumental but when you don't follow another countries laws as closely as your own it becomes a little difficult to keep track of what was happening. He left after an hour or so and ventured back out into the cold London streets, at least the rain had ceased. The city moved at an amazing speed, everywhere he turned there was traffic queuing and people rushing, usually he would have been part of the rush, not a casual observer. Deciding to have a coffee he located a Starbucks and made the most of the warmth, sitting and flicking through the paper as he drank.

* * *

They'd been home a week and still he was on a high, some natural buzz that he got simply by saying to himself, "She's my wife." He'd actually never dared to even dream that it could happen, that the future he wanted so badly would occur. Some part of his mind still wanted to pinch himself each and every morning, just to be sure it was true, it was now his reality.  
  
Stretching in Clarisse's oversized bed – he had yet to think of it as his own – he looked up at the embroidered drapes, the heavy wood panelling across the bed, the attention to the smallest detail, the bed of royalty. He wondered how old it was and how many Kings had roughly taken their wives in the hopes of producing royal heirs. How often had this bed actually witnessed real lovemaking, not procreation? It was thoughts like this that would get him into trouble, he never mentioned it to her, she was sensitive enough as it was about her less than exciting sexual past without him bringing up the subject of the bed's memory.  
  
He happily got up and headed for the bathroom aware of water running and Clarisse's voice. She had taken to humming in the shower, sometimes even a full song complete with the wrong words, but usually she just hummed. He liked it; it reassured him and got the day off to a good start. He made it into the room without her noticing and stripped himself of his trousers before creeping up behind her, opening the shower room door and stepping in. A hand on her back and she screamed into the water, coughing and spluttering as he expertly turned her around.  
  
"Joseph, what are you doing in here... people will talk."  
  
He pressed her back against the wall, cupping her waist and holding her as close to his body as possible. "Let them talk." His kiss was long and slow and she moaned into his mouth almost immediately. They'd been home a week and she'd avoided making love to him, being back on royal ground had lessened her appetite somewhat – or made her more aware of herself. It was time to remind her just how good the honeymoon had been.

* * *

"Sir... Sir!"

A hand gripped Joe's shoulder and shook him out of his reverie. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"I said would you like anything else only we're closing soon."  
  
Looking around and noticing the café was empty Joe shook his head somewhat embarrassed. He hastened to stand and quickly pulled his coat around him, throwing a couple of notes down on the table.  
  
"Sir you don't owe any money."  
  
"Think of it as a tip." He retorted with a wink before quickly leaving.

* * *

As he approached the hotel he knew instantly something was wrong. The doorman, a Scottish man of about Joe's age, came rushing towards him as soon as he turned the corner.  
  
"Sir, I thought I should inform you, her Majesty..."  
  
"What about her?" Joe gripped the man's arm. "Is she alright?"

"She's fine but she was, well there was an incident earlier."  
  
He didn't stop to hear anymore and raced past him, the lifts were occupied so he took the stairs. He still thought of himself as fit but running up that many flights of stairs would be hard going for anyone. When he burst into the suite he found two gentlemen in suits chatting with Toby in the lounge.  
  
"Where is she?" He breathed, realising he must look a real sight with his red cheeks and haggard expression.  
  
Toby indicated the office and in he went. She was sitting quietly by the window, china cup in hand.

She glanced up calmly at him as he hurried towards her. "Joseph dear you look terrible, have you been running?"  
  
He went to his knees and took her hands. "I thought something was wrong, they told me..." He tried to breathe evenly. "They told me there was some incident."  
  
"Mmm." She nodded her head and gently rested a hand on his shoulder. "No need to worry though."  
  
"No need to worry – what is this damn 'incident' and who are those men?"  
  
"Policeman, it's silly really." She put her teacup down. "I was leaving the restaurant earlier today, and I left my bag inside, Toby went to collect it and I went to the car. I was at the door already and it was a step away and this man – he must have recognised me. Well he, erm, approached me shall we say."  
  
"Approached?"  
  
"Got a little too close for comfort."  
  
"What? Where the hell was George?"  
  
"Right behind me, a step away, got caught up at the door. It was my fault I rushed ahead and didn't think and this man just said a few odd things and held my arm and then George leapt at him and he ran. Which is how he broke his leg."

"Who?" Joe could feel the anger just waiting to boil over.

"George, had to be taken to hospital."  
  
"So you were attacked and you've spent the afternoon here with laughing boy out there who couldn't protect a peanut."  
  
She had to laugh.

"Clarisse this isn't funny."  
  
"I'm sorry dear but yes you're right, he isn't very good. Awfully willing to please though, still only his second day."  
  
"Second day! I told you we needed more security."  
  
"Joseph there are only the two of us here."  
  
"One, I can protect myself." He got up abruptly. "Nobody thought I might like to be informed."  
  
"We didn't know where you were."  
  
"And this guy who touched you, where is he now?"

She shrugged and returned her gaze to the window.

"You're telling me you don't know, he got away."

"I told you George tripped and broke his leg, well I think its his ankle. Anyhow Antoine was really very good and organised everything..."

"Who the hell's Antoine?" Was it only him who was getting frustrated!

"Chef at the restaurant, he's been there for years, lovely man – excellent salmon rolls."  
  
"Fuck George's leg and fuck Antoine's salmon rolls."

"I don't care for your choice of language."  
  
Joe was about to launch into a tirade but stopped when there was a cough behind him.  
  
"Your majesty." A young well-groomed man stood at the door.  
  
"Yes officer." She replied standing up. "You'll have to excuse my husband, he's a little upset by it all." She touched Joe's arm as she passed him.

"Understandable. We've finished here now Ma'am, thank you for all your help."

"Oh you're very welcome."

"We will do our best to apprehend the fellow, officers are doing street to street searches now and witnesses have come forward." The young man was visibly shaking before her. She placed a reassuring hand on his arm to calm him somewhat.  
  
"Thank you, I'm sure you'll do a fine job." She smiled in that grand way she had and Joe turned away, even more annoyed now than he was before.  
  
"Well, shall we have some more tea?" She said turning back to him.  
  
"Tea?" Joe shook his head and shrugged his jacket off. "I think I need a shower."

* * *

Clarisse turned again in bed and tugged at the sheets collecting around her body. Sighing she threw them off and stared up at the ceiling, she couldn't sleep and if she didn't sleep she'd look terrible tomorrow and if she looked terrible tomorrow on the press call with Prince Andrew then what the hell...  
  
Perhaps she'd read for a while, that always made her eyes feel heavy. Sitting up and turning on the lamp she plumped a pillow for her back and searched for her glasses. It occurred to her that she could no longer hear the television, when she'd left Joseph over an hour ago he was watching some crazy film that left her head spinning. Car chases and fast action she could do without. Deciding to find him and perhaps order herself some warm milk she put on her robe and went out into the lounge.  
  
It was empty, as was the office and the bathroom and the dining room. She panicked just for a second, a split second, when she noticed the entrance door to the suite was ajar but then she clearly made out Joseph's voice – a very angry voice as it turned out.  
  
Quickly she pushed the door fully open and found Joseph with Toby held up against the wall, his fist gathering the shirt under the young man's throat and almost lifting him from the ground with it.

"You should god damn protect her, that's your job..."

"Joseph!" She shouted, glad their suite was the only one on this floor.  
  
He turned quickly to face her, registered the shock on her face and dropped the boy. She stepped back and leant against the door holding it open as he skulked past her, never daring to catch her eye.  
  
Somewhat shaken by the scene for once Clarisse struggled to find composure. Tightening her robe she levelled her gaze at Toby as best she could and took a deep breath.

"Why don't you go take an hour, no two, for yourself, have something to eat – try and relax."

"Ma'am." He nodded, relief flooding his face.  
  
"Oh, I thought you did very well today, difficult for a trainee." She said curtly before turning inside the room and closing the door.  
  
Mentally preparing herself for the inevitable argument that was about to follow she stopped for a second and rested her hand on the back of the couch, taking a few deep calming breaths. She wasn't used to this, she'd never witnessed Joseph's anger before, she'd heard years ago he could have a temper but never, _never _had she seen it.

"Well, are you going to chastise me?"  
  
His voice broke into her thoughts harsh and deep.

When she slowly lifted her head to look at him she was stunned by the hardness she found to his expression.  
  
"There was no need for that, no need at all."  
  
"He should do his job."  
  
"He's been with me for two days, he doesn't even know exactly what his job is."  
  
"To protect you, at all costs, nothing less."  
  
"And he did that, for goodness sake Joseph he's just a boy, you scared him to death."  
  
"Maybe he'll learn."

"You think ripping his throat off will help him learn?"  
  
"I hardly ripped his throat off."  
  
"Only because I was there. What's wrong with you?" She was doing her level best to keep her voice under control as she moved closer to him.  
  
"You could have been seriously hurt, you know that."  
  
"But I wasn't, and I already told you it wasn't their fault it was mine."

He turned from her as she got closer.

"So if you want to blame anybody then blame me, it's what you want to do anyway isn't it – this is all my doing."

He swung round and gripped her wrists in his hands, his eyes met hers and he let go again.

She could have let him go then but she didn't, instead she followed him through the dining room and watched as he fiddled with the lock on the balcony doors.  
  
"What are you doing?" She finally asked.  
  
"I need some air."  
  
"Why won't you talk to me, this isn't just about today, there's more to it."

"Bloody thing." He said shaking the door.  
  
"It's me isn't it – something I've done, or haven't done..."  
  
He chose to ignore her questions.  
  
"Joseph... "She went towards him again and reached for his arm. "Joseph." Her voice was soft, attempting to ease the tension.

"Don't, I can't do this now. I need some space."  
  
Her block fell and the rage came to the surface. "What has happened to you?"  
  
"I was going to ask you the same thing." He spat, shrugging off her hold on his arm and stalking out of the room.  
  
He wasn't prepared for the vase that hurtled across the room and splintered on the wall in front of him.

"That was probably very expensive – but I suppose you can afford it." He was digging a deeper hole but right then it seemed easier to fight with her than turn around and beg for forgiveness.  
  
"How dare you!" She was shaking violently, torn between wanting to throttle the man or simply have him make it all better.  
  
"Queen's aren't used to criticism I suspect."  
  
Straightening herself and recalling her dignity she walked towards him. "I've taken plenty of criticism over the years, but never from my husband."

"Then I guess Rupert was a better man than I."  
  
"I would never compare you, how could you think that?"

The truth was he never had thought that, but at the moment he was seizing at anything he could find to throw at her sensibilities.

"You shouldn't have done it Clarisse, you have more sense than that, you shouldn't have put yourself in that position. Haven't you had enough years to realise it isn't safe everywhere you turn." His voice was softening, his anger not.

"This isn't about today, this is about something more. Don't you think I deserve to know."  
  
"There's nothing to know." He dropped onto the couch.

"Then don't you think that maybe I would like a little comfort after a day like this."

"You never ask me for anything."  
  
"Fine, then to hell with you Joseph."

"And to hell with you too." He shouted as she slammed the bedroom door shut.  
  
After a few minutes he got up from the couch and found a waist bin, collecting up every piece of fine china he scooped it into the bin before stripping his clothes off and finding a blanket.

"A night on the couch then old man." He said to himself as he closed his eyes, the banging in his head started instantaneously.

_!!!I told you it would get worse!!!_


	3. part 3

Part 3

Clarisse woke early; still drowsy she turned onto her left side and reached for Joseph. She was alone, she'd forgotten that.

For a while she was torn between lying there and cursing the man and going and making up with him. This trip afterall was meant to be something romantic, something important to both of them, a relaxation together after two months of sheer madness. In the end sensibility won over and she collected her robe heading for the lounge where they'd parted last night.

* * *

Joseph of course wasn't there; sleep had been hard to come by for him. The couch was comfortable enough, he expected nothing less from a suite like the one they had, but he couldn't help but wonder what the hell was going on between the two of them. What had happened to that negotiation they'd silently agreed to on their honeymoon? It seemed so long ago now, that person she'd been there, the fun they'd had, the time she'd spent laughing and singing and quizzing him on unimportant matters. He thought he understood perfectly, he was well aware that she wouldn't be there like that every day but once in a while might be nice.  
  
England was damp and cool in November; he sat on a bench by the Thames and watched the city begin to wake. This wasn't particularly the best end of London; he'd walked for quite a while. He'd seen lowly people sleeping under make-shift cardboard beds, tramps who didn't look like they knew what year it was or where the hell they were as they lurched from person to person begging for money. He'd given what he could to an old woman; it broke his heart to think that she couldn't have been more than five years older than he and Clarisse. There the similarity ended.  
  
What did they see when they looked out at the world? When they sat on this bench and saw the city lights fade and the sunlight begin to break the dawn did they notice the striking of Big Ben ringing out across the frosty air or was it dampened by the fact that same frosty air had been their blanket for the night. Could they stop to memorise the beauty of the autumn leaves as they crowded up the streets with their fallen burnt-red beauty.  
  
He wanted to buy them all breakfast, get them all on a open red-topped bus and ship them over to where he was staying and fill that extravagant restaurant with the people society would like to forget. Order Champagne breakfasts all round and give them The Times and Guardian to read and do the crossword.  
  
What would Clarisse think to that? That he'd gone crazy no doubt. Perhaps he had, perhaps it was age catching up on him and the fact he had too much time on his hands and he needed something more, he'd hoped they would travel together, he could think of nothing better than seeing the beauty spots of the world with her there at his side as his wife, not visiting the Taj Mahal and standing a step behind her, ready to pounce if anybody dare to step too close to her. What was his role now, to offer support, to be Mr. Queen? He couldn't accept that, he hadn't been raised on a diet of duty, role and responsibility and he wanted his wife to be his wife. Not a woman he passed occasionally in the long halls of the palace.  
  
He folded his hands and sighed deeply, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees and staring at his wet shoes.  
  
"50p for a coffee mate." A low voice said.  
  
Joe looked up to the young face staring back at him, dark circles lined the boy's eyes and his skinny body was barely hidden beneath a thin jacket. Somehow he managed to smile warmly at him. "Here. Take this." Joseph took a note out of his wallet and offered it to him.  
  
"You want somethink from me?" The boy asked, every trace of innocence disappearing from his face.  
  
"What could I want..." Joe stopped as realisation hit him.  
  
"Men hanging around here usually lookin' for boys."  
  
"Well I'm not one of those men, take this."  
  
"No strings?"  
  
"No strings."

The boy snatched the money from him eagerly stuffing it in his pocket. "Thanks mister." He said as he walked away.  
  
"You will spend it on a good breakfast won't you." Joe called after him.

The boy eyed him suspiciously. "Yeah, what's it to you?"  
  
"I want to help."  
  
"Weirdo." The boy ran off down the lane, Joe watched him as far as he could before the boy disappeared into the trees.  
  
He'd seen poverty before closer to home; though his family wasn't poor they weren't exactly flush neither. Yet families on his street had been, that's where he'd learnt to fight, in the schoolyard, in the parks, you had to, it's what the boys did. His Mother had encouraged him to strive for more, what would she think of him now, married to a Queen and living a life of complete luxury and decadence? There was something demeaning about being here and meeting that boy that brought it all home to him, he had so much and he so little and there was probably little escape from this world for that young man. For although Joe would never hurt him many out there would, and it scared him to think a boy as young as that was not only living on the streets but possibly part of the drugs and crime culture, and had most probably had sexual experience of some kind or another, it disgusted him.

He felt sick as he dragged himself up from the bench and tightened the scarf around his neck against the cold wind that was blowing in. He didn't really feel like walking back but he had no money left on him and besides he couldn't see any signs of a Cab... sorry Taxi anywhere. It would be a long walk back, he hoped Clarisse wasn't awake yet; he didn't need another argument with her this morning.

* * *

The tea in England was first class; she couldn't surpass it wherever she went. Many might disagree but she was adamant in her assumption, it was without doubt her favourite way to start the day. Only this morning not even that could shake the feeling of dread settling in her stomach. Joseph's absence coupled with yesterday's shocks had left her a little wobbly to say the least.  
  
She couldn't eat breakfast, had no interest in the papers that had been sent up for her or in reading the many letters that had somehow collected for her – already after only three days of being there. She'd called home in an attempt to speak to Mia and ease her mind, forgetting the time difference of course, Mia was still asleep. Charlotte had offered to wake her but Clarisse had insisted it wasn't urgent, she would call later.

Frustrated she decided to take a long shower and then perhaps the world would seem a brighter place. Part of her was angry that in deciding to extend their trip here she'd been foolish enough to leave the majority of her staff home. They weren't required for a private marital getaway, or so she'd thought.  
  
The heat of the water was a blessing to her aching muscles, she closed her eyes and leant back against the cool tiled surface allowing all thought and worries to disappear from her mind. Once her hair was fully soaked she rubbed the water from her eyes and opened the cubicle door reaching out to grab her shampoo that she'd carelessly left on the side, in the steam of the room she made out a figure standing in the doorway. Screaming she fell back against the wall and clutched at her chest.

* * *

It hadn't taken him as long as he thought to reach the hotel, his pace had increased though and he had direction unlike earlier in the morning when he simply wandered along. He stopped to say hello to the doorman who had been so helpful to him the previous day before entering the lobby and checking on any messages.

He tapped the face of his watch, it had stopped, that was the third watch to stop in a week – must be some kind of curse. He dug the key from his pocket before he exited the lift and walked towards their suite. Finding nobody outside the room he quickly called Toby and instructed him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't get his ass in gear and report for duty he would be lucky to see another day in service. Clarisse may have been right, last night he overreacted – badly – but that didn't excuse the boy from his duties.  
  
He dropped his coat and scarf when he entered the room and shuffled absently through the messages in his hand. Clarisse must be up because her untouched breakfast sat on the dining table, he went to the bedroom but it was empty as was the dressing room. As he was about to panic he noticed the steam coming from beneath the bathroom door and, dropping the papers on the bed, gently opened the door.  
  
He could make out her form through the frosted glass and he felt a rush of giddiness, he leant back against the door and watched as she held her neck back and allowed the water to slide down her body. He was so engrossed in the scene he never even moved when she reached out to grab something, it was her scream that brought him back to life.  
  
"Clarisse, sweetheart it's me." He jumped forward taking her hand.  
  
"Joseph you scared me!" She shouted. "You scared me," she was angry as hell and shaking violently to his touch.  
  
"Come on, it's alright, it's alright." He attempted to hold her to him but she resisted pulling back. "Darling do you really think I'd let anybody get in here to you." He offered the words as comfort, now wasn't the time to mention the boy they had guarding her door was incompetent. "I wouldn't, nobody is ever going to hurt you."  
  
"You did." She blurted out.

He had no response for that.  
  
"Where were you?"  
  
It was the first time he stopped to think how terrified she might be after yesterday's events. "I went for a walk."  
  
"For a walk, I was alone, you left me alone and who knows what..." Tears spilled from her eyes as she uncharacteristically lost control of her emotions.  
  
"Shhh, come on..." This time he managed to hold her to him; she wrapped her soaking arms around his neck and sobbed on his shoulder.

* * *

When she'd calmed enough Joseph left her to finish her shower and dress whilst he checked Toby was in his place outside the door, he wasn't in the mood for giving him a dressing down then and there but when they got home he was certainly in for a reality check.

He rang room service and ordered more breakfast for the both of them then made use of the bar in the room and poured Clarisse a small Brandy, she needed something to calm her nerves. At that precise moment he didn't think he could feel more guilty or lousy than he already did. If he came across that bastard who'd spooked her yesterday he would take great pleasure in torturing him, Clarisse wouldn't approve but he needed revenge.

He looked up as she entered the room. "Hi, feeling any better?"  
  
"A little." She said gruffly.  
  
"Here, drink this, it will calm you."  
  
"A little early don't you think." She sat down on the couch.  
  
"Take my advice for once and drink it."

Looking up at his serious face she took his warning and snatched the glass from him, downing it in one and then instantly regretting it as it burned its way down her throat. She coughed and spluttered and he handed her a glass of water.  
  
"You didn't have to swallow it in one."  
  
She ignored him and picked up the paper flicking through it, he knew there was no way she could read it without her glasses, she was being obnoxious.  
  
"Are you going to be like this all day?"  
  
"Like what?" She shook her head. "If you mean annoyed then yes."

"I told you I was sorry, I couldn't sleep I went for a walk – I should have left a message for you."

"You slept on the couch," she suddenly shouted. "How do you think that made me feel?"  
  
He stepped back to the window and turned his back on her, looking out over the city.

She slid her glasses off and dangled them on the end of her fingers. "Well that's fine, if you want to sleep on the couch and disappear in the early hours of the morning fine," she walked towards him. "But don't make me feel guilty over it all."

"Guilty!" he spun round to face her, "For gods sake Clarisse, I would never expect you to feel guilty that would require something called feelings."  
  
It was instinct that made her slap him; she knew she'd heard hurt him because her hand stung with the force of it. Shaking she took a step back, unsure what he would do, she couldn't read his expression.  
  
"I shouldn't have married you." Was all he said before grabbing his coat and disappearing out the door. Again.

* * *

Soon after he'd gone breakfast arrived, she instructed it to be taken away again and then with nothing else to do she quickly consulted her diary and rang Charlotte. She couldn't face a day sitting in that room dwelling on what had happened, on what he'd said... she would arrange meetings, dinner with those who had clambered to book her time when it was known she would be visiting London. If he wasn't going to be around, if he didn't want to spend time with her then she might aswell use the time productively.

* * *

It was too cold for the London eye but Joseph took himself on it anyway, sitting there at the top of the wheel he was sure he felt ice forming on his ears. Still it cooled the burning sensation still evident on his cheek. Did he deserve it, he wondered, did she deserve what he said – no probably not. He loathed to think what she was doing now, but to him the facts seemed plain and simple, he'd married a woman who was never going to be able to share with him, somebody who was so devoted to their country they couldn't recognise that he needed something too. So yes he shouldn't have married her because he knew when he did just who she was and what she believed in. He stupidly believed that once she was no longer Queen her sense of duty would lessen, it hadn't.  
  
He walked for hours after he left her, returning to the same spot he'd been that morning, hoping that he might spot the skinny boy - but what would he do if he saw him? Offer more money, offer help, no that boy wouldn't take his help anyway. They were worlds apart.  
  
Once the ride was over he took a cab to the other side of the city and went to see a show, matinee performance, some arty thing he didn't particularly enjoy but it passed the time. It was dark when he emerged and he realised just how long he'd been gone, and how hungry he was. Finding a bar he went in and ordered some food, there was a television in the corner and he chose a seat by it so he could hear the news. To his utter surprise there was a two-minute article on Clarisse, she'd had dinner with some politician. Her face came onto the screen briefly and she seemed to him like another person, somebody he once knew but no longer did. She looked terrible, he wondered if he looked the same.  
  
He ate alone in silence, despite the landlady's attempts to get him to talk. She may have been nice enough but he was in no mood for conversation. It wasn't until after his meal when he'd gone to pay that she convinced him to stay and have a beer at the bar. Lucy, as she turned out to be called, was actually a very intelligent woman, it seemed she was making a killing from the small 'pub', she kept him talking for a couple of hours, mid-week and business was slow she told him when he'd asked about the quietness. He'd even stayed when she closed up, helping her to collect glasses and lock the doors; he never spoke about whom he was or what he did. He was just Joe, just a guy having a drink and a chat with a lovely lady.  
  
She must have been in her thirties, pretty though, dark hair, dark eyes a nicely rounded figure. For a second he was overcome with desire when she leant forward over the bar and kissed him, but he pulled back almost instantly.  
  
"I'm sorry." He whispered as he backed to the door.  
  
"There's no need to be." She shrugged and moved around the bar to unlock the door for him. "Thought you liked me too that's all."  
  
"I didn't mean..."  
  
He never finished his sentence because she kissed him again, harder this time, more forceful and he found himself grabbing for her body, pressing her up against him in a vain attempt to forget who she was and where they were and that this was as seedy as he'd ever felt.  
  
It wasn't until she moaned his name that his senses returned, it wasn't Clarisse, it wasn't her smell or touch or voice or warmth. For the second time that day he felt disgusted, he dropped his hold on her and fled the pub attempting not to wretch as the cold night air hit his face.

* * *

For Clarisse the day had been exhausting, so much had happened and she hadn't a second to stop and think it through. She only knew she couldn't sit there and feel sorry for herself, she needed to get out. She needed to escape.  
  
Two meetings in the morning, that fool of a bodyguard following her around. A private lunch at Westminster, another meeting afterwards and then she bought three new dresses, four pairs of shoes, two suits and several pieces of jewellery before she even contemplated returning to the hotel. Her buys were packed up for her and would be sent to join her luggage for the return trip to Genovia. Whenever that might be.  
  
She ate alone in the apartment, took another shower and changed into her nightclothes. Settling on the couch with a book she attempted to read a little.  
  
Less than twenty minutes later she heard the door to the apartment open and forced herself to remain calm and impassive as Joseph entered the room. He looked like hell and her heart went out to him, it took some restraint to remain in her seat and not hold him.

"Hi." He said, leaning on the back of the couch across from her.  
  
"Hi." She replied quickly removing her glasses. "I didn't think you'd come back." She whispered hesitantly.

His head dropped for a second, guilt tugging at his coherent mind. He removed his jacket and sat down on the couch. "I saw you on T.V."  
  
"I didn't know what to do with myself." She offered as way of explanation. "I'm sorry I... I've never done anything like that before, I don't know what happened."  
  
"I think I deserved it."  
  
"Did you mean it?" She was nervous, god was she nervous.

"There are a hell of a lot of things I regret Clarisse, marrying you isn't one of them."  
  
"But you are unhappy."  
  
"Are you?"  
  
"I've never been happier. You make me feel," she gulped back her tears. "You make me feel these feelings I never even knew I had."  
  
"God Clarisse then why do you do it? Why do you push me away?"  
  
She stood up abruptly, her book slipping from her knee and hitting the coffee table. Stung by his comment she turned from him and headed for the bedroom but he caught her arm.  
  
"Don't do that, don't walk away like you always do."  
  
"I don't"  
  
"Yes you do, do you remember how you were on our honeymoon?"  
  
"Joseph." She struggled in his grasp.  
  
"Do you?" His usually calm even voice took on a harder edge.  
  
"Yes, I remember. But I can't be like that each and everyday."

"I don't expect it all the time, just every now and then. I need that part of you Clarisse, I need your affection."  
  
"You have it, damn you Joe you have it." She shook herself free from his hold. "Don't you think I think about you every second of every day, whoever I'm with, whatever I'm doing you're in my thoughts. Last night I couldn't sleep, I couldn't settle, all it's taken is a few months and I can't bear to go to bed without you. Can't bear to wake without you being there so I can reach out and hold you. I need you with me."

Tears spilled down his face and it shocked her, she'd never seen him cry.  
  
"Joseph," she laid a hand on his face. "Joseph..."

His shoulders slumped and he virtually shrunk in front of her. She wrapped him in her arms and for once it was the usually strong willed Joe who cried.

* * *

It hadn't been her fault, not really. And it was only a silly thing, a trivial silly romantic thing he'd done. Filled the gazebo with candles, flowers, chilled the finest champagne and finally – finally – he'd chosen an engagement ring. They were supposed to do it together, he'd promised her they would, but she was still so busy one day he'd just gone off and it caught his eye. And it was perfect. Not some huge glaring rock that she used to wear, not the crown jewels, but it cost him near enough his entire life savings and it was beautiful. Sapphire in the centre, diamonds circling it, the blue reminded him of her eyes, and she knew how he felt about her eyes...  
  
So it was a months celebration, they'd made it through a month as husband and wife. True one week had been coronation madness and the next honeymoon bliss but it was a milestone to him, an important one too. And he'd 'booked' time, made sure she was free, organised dinner in the garden, heaters surrounding them to fend off the chilly autumn air. And he'd waited, and waited and when she didn't make it he worried.  
  
When he found her she was deep in conversation with a man Joseph had never laid eyes on before. Some 'new' politician from Germany who was interested in opening up trade links with Genovia and had begged for an audience with Clarisse, and she'd agreed. Of course she would, it was her job, her role. He'd backed out of the office unseen and cancelled dinner and blown out the candles and hid the ring – and they never spoke of it. She didn't remember, he didn't prompt and the staff hid their discomfort as he retired to their suite for the night. 


	4. part 4

_I made Joe's history up, I hope its not too bad! Oh and this isn't the end..._

Part 4

"Why don't you talk to me, tell me what's going on with you?" She whispered. They were on the couch, Joseph's head resting on her chest, her arms cradling him to her, comforting, supporting.  
  
"If I'd have known you felt this bad I would have stopped everything to be with you, you do know that don't you."  
  
"I thought it would be easier, I thought that retirement would be easy and being married to you – I've never wanted anything more."  
  
"But being married to me isn't as good as you imagined it?" She asked concerned, trying to control her voice as much as possible.  
  
"It's just difficult, you can be so distant Clarisse."  
  
She closed her eyes and bit her lip, she already knew this.  
  
"I never know what you want from me, sometimes I'm not sure if I'm in the way."  
  
"Oh never, never, never." She kissed his forehead repeatedly, struggling to find the words to make everything good again.  
  
With some effort he pulled himself up and sat on the edge of the couch. His distance stung Clarisse; he never pulled away when she kissed him.  
  
"Joseph," her voice was deep "If you're finding this, too much, too difficult – I'll understand."  
  
He glanced over at her face. "I could never leave you Clarisse. You must know that."

Inwardly her heart jumped with relief but she showed no sign of it in her expression. "I don't want you to stay because you feel you must, because it's the right thing to do."  
  
He took her hands. "I love you, whatever happens, whatever we argue about, whatever problems we face I'll still love you. Even though there are times you drive me insane."  
  
A slight smile. "And I love you. I know I'm not easy to be around."  
  
"I love being around you, I just wish _you_ were around a little more often. I think I saw more of you as your employee than I do as your husband."  
  
It was her turn to feel the guilt, her eyes stung. "I don't know what to do to make it better. I warned you about this didn't I – I said at the lake I would become this person again. I can't help it."

"But I know beneath this exterior is a wonderful warm funny loving woman, and I don't care what the rest of the world views you as – I need to see her every now and then. I need her to share her life with me. I can't sit around and hope for some slither of emotion Clarisse, as intoxicating as it might be." He reached for her hand. "Don't cry my dear, I couldn't bear that neither."  
  
"I'm sorry." She laid her head back for a second. "And I'm sorry about the vase."

He smiled. "I rather liked that, showed some passion."

"Have you eaten?"  
  
Panicking just for a second Joseph remembered the kiss. "Yes, yes I ate out."

"Okay, good. Will you tell me where you've been all day?"  
  
"Later, I need a shower right now. I feel rather unclean"

"Alright, I'm sorry these past three months have been so difficult for you. It's going to take time... but I will try, I promise you I'm trying."  
  
He nodded his head mutely, her claims were truthful he knew that, she couldn't lie. Yet her reassurances did nothing to ease his mind, perhaps Clarisse wasn't the problem, perhaps he was.  
  
"Must shower." He said simply and squeezed her hand before leaving the room.

* * *

It occurred to Clarisse as she lay in bed that it had been over a month now since they'd made love, normally something like that wouldn't bother at all, love wasn't sex and vice versa. But after only three months of marriage it struck her as odd, had she been too busy, too tired or had he? Had he stopped desiring her now, was it that bad he avoided it? No, no it wasn't that.  
  
She folded her hands on top of the sheets and stared at the ceiling, wide-awake waiting for Joseph to come to bed. Something had happened to him, something he wasn't telling her, had she been so preoccupied with Mia that she'd missed it? So intent on making sure her granddaughter successfully succeeded her as Queen that her husband had gradually been slipping away from her. He was different, she hadn't noticed it really until this trip, this time alone together had proven it. Where was his dry wit and sense of humour nowadays? What had happened to that loving romantic man who would dance with her in the ballroom whatever time of night it was? Maybe it wasn't just she who'd left behind some part of her at the lake, maybe he had too.  
  
When he finally came into the room he seemed shocked to find her still awake. He stopped at the bottom of the bed, "I thought you were sleeping."  
  
"And I thought you might be taking the couch again, you were an awfully long time in there."

"Sorry." He said removing his robe and climbing into bed.  
  
He didn't rise to her teasing, usually there would have been a quick response, a gentle moment of fun.  
  
"Goodnight." He kissed her forehead and turned over.  
  
Clarisse sighed and reached for the switch on the lamp. She tried to settle but couldn't, she knew he was awake to she could tell by his breathing. Gently she placed a hand against his back.  
  
"Joseph, talk to me. Tell me where you went today."  
  
"You wouldn't approve." He whispered.

She turned onto her side and moved closer to his body. "Try me."  
  
"I walked, by the Thames."  
  
She waited for more information but he seemed less than forthcoming. "And?"

"And I walked too far, I saw the bad spots of this city."

"I'm sure there are many."

"There are, homeless people, I gave them money. I met a boy, can't have been more than thirteen begging on the streets. Abused, I don't know."

"Abused? How did you know that?"

"Something he said, sexual I think, prostitution."

"Good god. That happened this afternoon?"

"This morning."

"And you never told me when you came back, you never said."

"You were upset, I scared you in the shower. And, what was the point, it didn't seem relevant."

"It was relevant to you, it hurt you."

"Yes it did."

"Joseph..." She insisted holding onto his shoulder until he turned onto his back and she could see his face. She leant over him as he spoke.

"I can't help but see all this." He gestured around the room. "And then going out there and seeing that, I seemed such a hypocrite. We have so much."

"And yet people out there can have so little, I know that."  
  
"The difference is you grew up that way, you had your entire childhood to deal with that fact. I didn't."

"You never talk about your childhood."

"There isn't much to tell, short and sweet. I started working at twelve. Amateur boxing at fourteen. Hence these..." he held up his knuckles and indicated a couple of scars. "It was only because of my Uncle hearing about some training group that I got out, I trained to go in the army, got turned down for the overseas position I wanted but instead got offered a job in security. Few years in one place then I realised if I wanted to travel I needed to learn another language, so I took French classes in the evening. Was posted there a couple of years later, learnt another language went to another place... familiar pattern."  
  
"Your parents, your brothers? You never speak of them, you didn't even want me to go with you to visit your brother in Spain."  
  
"My parents died many, many years ago Clarisse, I hardly knew them at all I think. As for Rico, I didn't want you to go with me last month because I wasn't sure how he'd react to our marriage."

"And how did he react, the truth Joseph don't tell me he's fine and the family will visit at Christmas because if he was really fine he would have taken me up on my offer to stay at the palace sooner."

"Rico doesn't do holidays, doesn't like to travel very far at all. He's younger than me, he has a family, he works hard – struggles. Probably cheats on his wife, drinks too much by far, that could have been me."

"But it isn't."

"He doesn't like royals, doesn't like rich people in general. We got into a fight whilst I was there; he threw me out of the house on the first night. The next day we got into a real fight."

"Physical?" He nodded. "Why?" She couldn't imagine anything winding Joe up so much it would result in him lashing out violently.  
  
"You, it was over you. Spoilt little rich girl, from a different side of the street, doesn't know us – thinks she's better than us. You married somebody like that..."

Clarisse winced. "He might like me if we meet."  
  
"I wouldn't want you to meet him, wouldn't want you in the same room as him. You're a different class."  
  
"And there in lies the problem."

"I didn't mean socially, I meant your standards, your manner... Clarisse look at you, the way you walk and talk, the places you inhabit, the things you've seen and drunk and eaten my family don't even know exist. They weren't all as lucky as I was along the way."

"I'd like to help, if money's the problem..."

"They'd throw it back at you, they did at me. Few years ago I offered to buy their house, have it renovated, it was too much for me to waltz back into town and expect them to accept me for my tailored suits, fancy car and the way I've trained myself to speak."

"Why have you never told me this? I knew your family wasn't rich, I knew about your background, did you think I'd be ashamed of it?"

"Maybe, I was ashamed of it. And I was devastated, to go out there so full of hope and joy and wanting my family to share in it and they throw it back at me. They're ashamed of me for marrying you."

"Is that what you meant earlier, when you said..."

"I didn't mean that, I was angry. I apologise for it. I wouldn't change this for anything, being with you, it's not the role, it's not the splendour and the palace and luxury – it's you. Something in me just connects with you, draws me to you."

"I know, I feel the same. I've never had it with anybody but you."

He nodded; suddenly tired and weary he closed his eyes.

Her mouth rested on his, very gently; no real pressure to the kiss just a moment's touch. He opened his eyes again wishing he could see her face in the dark, so beautiful. She kissed him again, harder this time, moving her lips against his. He responded, his body responded instinctively to her touch. This was no sleazy barmaid whose name he barely knew; this was Clarisse, his wife, his love. He was coming alive again.  
  
She pulled back from the kiss and he was uncertain what she was planning but it became clear when her nightgown was thrown across the room and she moved on top of him, pressing her warm body to his. His hands rested on her smooth back and again he closed his eyes welcoming her kiss. She was intoxicating, everything about her, the way it felt to have her heart beating against his chest, her hands moving over his body. He hardly moved, he daren't. She was the one who took his hand and placed it on her breast, the one to initiate the lovemaking, had it been so long without her touch that he'd forgotten how magical it was?

He tried to recall the last time they'd danced and he couldn't. He remembered how she moved when dancing, graceful and sure, when they were alone her hips would take on a seductive sway as she moved in time with him. They fitted together so perfectly, in his weeks of despair he seemed to have forgotten that. She was everything he wanted, there was nothing that could ever fill his soul the way she did. And he argued with her! Was he crazy?  
  
He gripped her waist and turned her onto her back, her legs wrapping around him as he entered her. Nothing mattered now, nothing existed but the love he had and how badly he wanted her to know it.

* * *

"Joseph..."  
  
"Hmm."  
  
"Don't feign sleep," she nudged him with her elbow. "Talk to me."  
  
"I was enjoying the moment."  
  
She could sense evidence of a smile in his voice and it lifted her spirits. He turned next to her and slid his arms around her waist.

"If I went over there, nothing fancy just me, wouldn't they appreciate that?"  
  
"Who?" He mumbled sleepily burying his face in her shoulder.  
  
"Your family."

"Clarisse, let it go."

"Never, this is your family, part of you."

"You're my family." He enforced the meaning by squeezing her stomach.  
  
"Hey, don't do that, I'm getting fat."  
  
"Never." He kissed her neck; this was one of his favourite positions to hold her. Her back to his stomach, his mouth able to reach her neck, the smell of her skin – how her scent surrounded him and invaded each and every sense. And his hands could wander anywhere as she lay wrapped up in his arms.

"So now will you tell me what you've been doing for the past two days apart from causing me grief of course."

"Dreaming of having moments like this with you again."

"Be serious."

"I've done a hell of a lot of walking, in the freezing cold. Visited Parliament, took a ride on the London eye."

"You have been busy."

"No, too much time on my hands to dwell on things. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you – the other day. I should have been."

"That isn't your job anymore."

"And that's harder to deal with than I thought it would be."

She twisted her neck to look at him. "How do you mean? You never said."  
  
"There didn't seem to be a point."

"But if that's what's making you so depressed then... oh I really am blind at times, I never noticed, it never even occurred to me."  
  
"You've been busy – as usual."

"Joseph..."

"There's no need to apologise for it, I know your lifestyle Clarisse. I entered into this with eyes wide open; I just never stopped to consider how my life might change. Not having a valid reason for watching you every second of the day is a bit of a drawback..." He was teasing her.  
  
"Don't make light of it, not now."

She turned in his arms and rested a hand on his face. "That sparkle seems to have disappeared, I never imagined this goldfish bowl would stifle you. I guess I simply thought you'd be there, polite and witty and charming whoever we had dinner with, handling the press alongside me. It never come to mind that perhaps you would find it difficult. You're in the position I was in when Rupert was alive."

"The tag-along. Only not as regal."  
  
This time she smiled at his joke. "If you'd told me, I've you'd only approached me about it..."  
  
"When Clarisse?"  
  
She looked away for a second, it was difficult to accept the fact that she'd not only ignored this situation with Joseph but her silence had escalated it.  
  
"Being in a relationship like this..." she considered her words, searching for a way to try and explain to him. "Marriage with you is an entirely different thing. Marriage to me before was about responsibility and obligation, thinking of what was best for King and country. I've done it my entire life and now suddenly there's somebody else to consider, somebody who means more to me than anything..."  
  
"Clarisse."  
  
"I need to say this, I want to share it all with you. And in time yes I will step down completely and it will all be in Mia's hands but right now, this isn't that time. But I need you with me, I need your support. I'll do everything I can to try and make it easier, to help adjust..."  
  
"You say that now."  
  
"I mean it."  
  
"But then things change, timetables take over and meetings and somehow along the way, meeting me for a dinner date doesn't seem all that important."  
  
"It's the most important, believe me. You've changed my life in so many ways; we just have to work at this. Didn't you tell me that not too long ago."  
  
"I did, when I said it I foolishly didn't consider how lonely palace life could be for a retired aging man."  
  
"I'll employ you again." She smiled before kissing him. "And you're not aging. I hate to see you like this... so distant. It's not like you."  
  
"I know, can't seem to shake this feeling though, inadequacy, smallness – not having to work."  
  
"Why don't you teach the Staff to dance."  
  
"That's not a half bad idea."  
  
"It was a joke, but if you feel you want to..."  
  
"I could teach the children, part of Mia's initiative with them."  
  
She smiled proudly, some sense of the man she knew slowly returning. "I think that's a wonderful idea. Mia would love your help."  
  
He grinned before leaning forward and kissing her. "Sorry for being a complete bastard this week."

"I'd never call you that!" She raised an eyebrow in disapproval. "But apology accepted."  
  
"Guess I should apologise to a few others too – Toby for one, that guy from the other night."  
  
"Arthur, he's probably forgotten by now, it only takes a couple of drinks. But yes, Toby. Poor young man, scared to death by the former Head of Security." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Not too mention the best security I've ever had."  
  
"In what sense?"  
  
"In every sense." She kissed him ardently to emphasise her point. "You could do anything you wanted to Joseph, there are endless possibilities."  
  
"But the negative side of me says it's not that simple."  
  
"But then what if it is..."  
  
"I don't ever want to go through another week like this one, some trip hey."  
  
"Tomorrow I'm all yours, anything you want to do, anyplace you want to go."  
  
Though he was warming to the idea a tiny voice still had to sneer, a day, you're getting an entire day!  
  
But he smiled. "You're face is too well known to wander around Trafalgar Square with the pigeons."  
  
"Then I'll wear a scarf and dark glasses, if I can wander around San Francisco, then I'll try London. Besides I have you by my side."  
  
"We sure know how to argue..." He said ruefully.  
  
"Haven't we always. I vividly recall a rather heated argument over whether or not you were required on a routine trip to France."  
  
"Ahh but that wasn't entirely security, more that I was going through a stage when I couldn't stand to let you out of my sight. Protector of the King and lusting after his Queen, they weren't happy days."  
  
"For me neither." She said sympathetically. "But we have each other now, and I'm damned if I'm going to let it slip away from me."  
  
An urge rose inside his belly like fire and he covered her body with his own kissing her face repeatedly, she was laughing but eagerly accepted his worship.

"I remember you said something to me, a song." His face was just above hers, whispering to her in the dark.  
  
"What did I say?" It surprised just how husky her voice sounded.  
  
"You said, you are in my blood like holy wine, and you taste so bitter but you taste so sweet. I could drink a case of you and still I'd be on my feet."  
  
She smiled. "I remember..."  
  
"I hear those words all the time."


	5. part 5

"_Love wandered inside stronger than you, stronger than I. And now that it has begun we cannot turn back, we can only turn into one. I won't ever be too far away to feel you & I won't hesitate at all, whenever you call. And I'll always remember a part of you so tender, I'll be the one to catch your fall, whenever you call."  
_

Part 5

The dreaded sense of another day dawning, which had greeted Joseph each morning for the past week, was gone.

The emptiness of waking alone and finding the opposite side of the bed bare had been erased  
  
Replacing it was warmth; solid, comforting, inspiring warmth. Not physical, not the pleasure of having her body still wrapped around his, something bigger than that, something more substantial. Bliss. Joy. Love. A sense of belonging. Friendship. Companionship.

He lay there trying to list the ways he felt, and every time another came to mind he swore he would remember it and recall that feeling when everything went wrong. Because as happy as he was right then, there was no doubt in his mind that they would face hard times again at some point along the road. Perhaps now he was more prepared for it, perhaps now he had the sense of mind and foresight to deal with it more successfully.  
  
She wasn't going to change, neither was he, they just had to find a way to bridge the remaining gaps with that pure unadulterated feeling of rightness that came when they were together. There was nobody he wanted to spend his life with but her. And after the words she'd whispered to him in the darkness last night he was secure in the knowledge that she felt the same.  
  
He heard the clock strike, ringing out over the city, 9 already. He loosened his grip on Clarisse and crept out of bed to the balcony. The air was still tinged with frost; it hit his morning face and refreshed his skin in one clear rush of breeze. Below him tiny cars whizzed about, men shouted, bellboys whistled and the world carried on. He could see the edge of Hyde Park, the trees standing firm and tall, everything seemed fresh, everything new and clean. And for the first time in many, many weeks he felt good to be alive. Everything was going to work out fine.

* * *

Clarisse insisted they have breakfast/early lunch out, which he imagined would turn out to be some over the top restaurant with fine crystal glasses and heavy chandeliers. In fact, in that considerate way she had, it was a picnic basket and a bench in the park. True the basket was from Harrods, but he supposed he could cope with that!  
  
She wore trousers, a long white jacket and a simple light scarf that went from around her neck to over her head. Dark glasses, the first choice to hide any famous face. And although she tried so hard to be 'normal' Joe couldn't help but look at her and still see traces of this highly regal, highly professional woman. She looked far too beautiful for simply walking through the park.  
  
"Perhaps I should have one of these commissioned." Clarisse said vaguely waving her hand towards the impending statue of Queen Victoria looming over her.  
  
"Perhaps you should dear." He responded as if it were the most normal thing in the world to consider doing.  
  
"And fountains too, more than this, lots of lots of fountains."  
  
He couldn't help but laugh and kiss her head, well the scarf on her head. "I would opt for something in a white marble effect though, the dark colours wouldn't suit your elegant face."  
  
She shook her head and gently nudged him with her elbow. "You're as bad as I am."  
  
"I know."  
  
She tilted her head up and kissed his mouth. "So, this was a good idea was it not."  
  
"An excellent idea, thank you."  
  
"You're very welcome. Should we pack away..." She glanced over his shoulder. "Oh you've already done it, so thoughtful."  
  
"Indeed, shall we continue our walk milady."

"Why thank you kind sir." She smiled eagerly taking hold of his offered arm. "And what a beautiful day for it too."  
  
"Isn't it though." He swung the basket by his side and looked overhead at the clear blue sky, it may have been frosty but the sun was shining.  
  
The passers-by didn't notice them to any real extent, even when they made it to Trafalgar Square and pigeons harassed Clarisse. Joseph helped shoo them off but only after having a few moments laughter at her expense.

* * *

In the afternoon they had coffee, tea and very naughty sticky chocolate cake which Clarisse justified by the fact they shared the one piece.  
  
"The cakes in this place are divine." She said as they sipped their drinks. "Just look at that one over there, a work of art."  
  
She indicated a very tall chocolate cake that appeared to have been built up layer upon layer and then covered in long chocolate leaves, milk, white and dark, gold tipped along the edges. "Somebody spent hours and hours working on that."  
  
"And even more hours I'd say."  
  
"We should take it home."  
  
"And just stare at it."  
  
"I thought perhaps you could spoon feed me." She giggled leaning across the table to him.  
  
"My, my... this is a very bad character I see emerging." He kissed her nose which made her giggle even more. "Behave or we'll be thrown out."  
  
She froze just slightly and glanced around the room then down at the table. The café was small and old fashioned; only a few tables occupied the limited space, all were crammed full and many customers stood by the bar. Clarisse wasn't used to being in such close proximity to so many people.  
  
"I was only joking, I don't think anybody can hear us over the chatter." Joseph said reaching across and holding her hand.  
  
"I know, I rather like being here, an – escapism?" She offered as a way of explaining her current mood.  
  
He nodded, lifted her hand and gently kissed her fingers.  
  
"What would you like to do this evening?" Clarisse asked, squeezing his hand between both of hers, examining the differences in size.  
  
"Well, when did you last go to the movies?"  
  
"The movies – not for a very long time."  
  
"Then let's go."  
  
"When?"  
  
"Now, we could grab a cab and go see a film. You can take your scarf off; nobody will see your face in the dark. On the back row."  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "Now who's being naughty? Mia would highly approve of my taking in a movie though."  
  
"And popcorn?"  
  
"Mmm, it tends to get stuck in my teeth. I could go for ice-cream though."  
  
"Like regular movie-going couples." He smiled happily as he helped her with her coat and left the money on the table.  
  
"What should we see?" She asked as he ushered people out of the way and guided her outside.  
  
"Something scary."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Horror – we could do that, I'd hold you if you got scared."  
  
"Ha, I bet that's what all young men say when they take girls to the movies."

"I do vaguely recall that, a long time ago though." He mumbled as he waved frantically at passing cabs.

* * *

As it happened it didn't matter much which film they saw as Clarisse slept after the first twenty minutes. Thank god she doesn't snore was all Joseph could think as he lifted the armrest and lowered her head to his shoulder.  
  
In the cab ride back to the hotel she was still somewhat drowsy and curled up against him, her hand tucked inside his jacket and resting on his chest.  
  
"Do you want to have dinner at the hotel this evening?" He asked, brushing her hair back from her face.  
  
"Mmm, I'd like anything."  
  
"I think you'd like to sleep some more. No more late nights then."  
  
She smiled. "I like the late nights, it's the following days I have trouble with."  
  
"Alright, dinner at the hotel, I'll make our reservations when we get back. You can soak in the bath for a while, relax."  
  
"I'm very relaxed already, but yes, I'd like that. And then a wonderful dress for a romantic meal for two."  
  
"And I'd like that."  
  
As they pulled up to the front of the hotel Clarisse sat up straight and readjusted her coat and slid her scarf back over her shoulders as she prepared to exit the cab.  
  
Joseph felt his throat tighten, a dry, barren feeling crept over him, starting at his head and gradually working its way down to his legs. If he'd been thinking straight he would have said "drive on" but his mind went blank. His throat refused to work. Clarisse was helped from the car by the doorman and turned expectantly for him to follow. He didn't want this; he didn't want her to know like this.  
  
Frantic and trapped he reluctantly stood up before her, noting his ashen expression she took hold of his hand and whispered out of earshot of the doorman.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
He was vaguely aware of shaking his head, gripping her arm and leading her up the steps to the entrance, if he could just get inside unseen, if he could just get her out of sight...  
  
"Joe."  
  
Too late, he'd failed, the world was going to come crashing down.

Clarisse was the one to turn toward the voice. Holding him back as he attempted to walk on.

"Joe?" it got closer until he felt the woman standing right beside him, overlooking Clarisse – as if you could – and staring directly at him. "I think we should have a little chat don't you."  
  
"Sorry, do we know you?" Clarisse was politeness personified; only he noted the sharpness in her tone.

The lady stuck out her hand awkwardly. "Lucy, your majesty." She directed her attention back to Joe. "Did you think I didn't know who you were?"  
  
"Joseph, do you know this lady?" Her voice was quieter now, he couldn't respond.  
  
"Of course he does, we're friends. Good friends."

* * *

He had taken to riding almost every day; though only occasionally out of palace grounds. He found an escape in it, a lessening of the worries of his mind. It was something of a relief to be out of earshot of the goings-on, to be out of the hawk eyes view.  
  
There was a clearing by a tiny hidden away stream, he would sit by it and read or simply lay back and stare at the world as it went by. The weather was beginning to turn cold now though, next time a blanket would be good for the ground. He closed his eyes ready to dream... he could remember their wedding as if it were yesterday. The dress she was wearing, the extravagant coat over the top, not many could carry it off the way she had. How she had nervously, expectantly said his name and the thudding in his chest when she'd said those words.  
  
"Am I too late..."  
  
He could hear her voice as clearly as if she were stood next to him whispering it in his ear. How could she ever be too late, he'd marry her all over again any second of any day.  
  
He could still taste that first real kiss, in front of all those people she could have shrunk from contact, a polite peck on the cheek. But no, she'd forged ahead, she was the one who reached for him, squeezing his fingers just slightly as their lips met mirroring the tingling sensation on his mouth. He'd wanted to kiss her all over again, to hide away with her and kiss her over and over until his senses were blurred and incoherent.

As it was with weddings they had to have photographs, dance in public to the chosen music, eat extravagant dinner, drink the champagne and be the perfect pairing. His only thought the entire afternoon was being alone with her and saying the thousands of things that were swimming around his head. Sharing with her those emotions that were shaping his soul. He hardly left her side, or she hardly left his, whichever way it was they stuck together. Meeting and greeting, and whispering to one another as they danced. Secretly communicating with held hands and her fingertips stroking along his fingers, seductive and intimate in such surroundings.

His reverie was broken by the sound of footfalls coming up behind him. Instinct kicking in he jumped up and swung round to face whoever it was. Mia, she seemed as shocked to see him as he was to see her.  
  
"Joe... didn't know you were here."  
  
"I come here a lot actually, well recently I have been doing. It's quiet."  
  
"and pretty." Mia sat down next to him. "I need to get out every now and then, it drives me crazy, being locked up, every second of my day planned out for me." She shook her head, it surprised Joe just how much she had grown in these past few months.  
  
He patted the ground next to him. "Have a seat, your Majesty..."  
  
"Joe." She nudged his body as she sat down. "You're such a tease."  
  
"We haven't played cards in a while, are you afraid I'll beat you again."  
  
"Not at all, I'm afraid I'll beat you and make you look a fool."  
  
"Some chance." He shook his head and laughed. "So, you and Nicolas seem to be getting on rather well."  
  
She blushed. "I suppose... it's good." She shrugged.  
  
"I suppose that's as close as I'm going to get to a true love confession."

"Yep."  
  
"Perhaps you could convince your Grandmother to come out here someday, for a relaxing afternoon."  
  
Mia turned her head quickly and took in his expression; she'd never for one second considered things weren't going well between the two of them.  
  
He took her hand before she could respond. "She'd like it too, you're right, it's pretty." He tried to lighten the mood.  
  
"Is everything alright... I mean, you two."  
  
"Yes, of course." He got up from the grass. "Wonderful. Do you want to ride back together?"

* * *


	6. part 6

Part 6  
  
Shocked and dizzy Joseph had no recollection of making it to the suite, yet here he sat still and silent in the office, Clarisse's office, a glass of something in his hand. He was aware of that woman by the window, looking out at their view.  
  
"Nothing to say to me Joe." She said without turning around.

He remained silent, impassive.  
  
Clarisse bustled into the room, turning to close the doors behind her before taking a seat across from Joe.  
  
"Now, Ms?"  
  
"Black, Lucy Black. Nice to meet you your majesty." She came across to Clarisse and Joseph winced as she held her hand out to her.

Grudgingly Clarisse shook it.  
  
"Alright, Ms. Black, please take a seat and do tell me what we can do for you."  
  
"Clarisse..." Joseph's voice was hoarse. He coughed. "I can tell you."  
  
"Oh do let me." Lucy smiled sitting down and crossing her legs.  
  
Clarisse anxiously glanced from one to another, something terrible was going to happen, she could sense it in the pit of her stomach. A sickness rising, bile at the back of her throat.  
  
"I wish somebody would explain..." She snapped.  
  
"You see I met Joe the other night, in my bar."  
  
Clarisse made no response, she'd learnt over the years how to hide her emotions at certain moments. She sensed this was one of those moments.  
  
"You have no right to do this, what the hell do you want?" Joe rose suddenly and stood over Lucy.  
  
"Money, isn't that what everybody wants." She held her hands up innocently. "Or I go to the papers."  
  
"Papers? Newspapers – why, with what?" Clarisse stumbled over her words watching Joe stalk the room.  
  
"It was one lousy kiss." Joe was shaking.  
  
"Technically, it was two." Lucy smiled satisfied.  
  
Clarisse's breath caught in her throat, she glanced quickly at Joe then back at her folded hands in her lap. She must control this, must control herself. She listened silently as the two people before her continued their argument.  
  
"How the hell do you have the right to come round here and screw with us over a kiss. A stupid alcohol fuelled kiss."  
  
"Because 'screw' is just the term – the papers don't have to know it was simply a kiss do they. Three months of marriage and problems already, these royal marriages never last." She shook her head sarcastically.  
  
Joseph had never hit a woman in his life, or felt the need to, but as he watched her self-satisfied face twisting the knife in he realised he could do it easily.  
  
He stopped himself just in time, caught hold of the back of Clarisse's chair.  
  
"How much?" She said calmly, holding Lucy's gaze stern and level.  
  
"Sorry?" The woman seemed a little shocked it had been that easy.  
  
"I said how much, how much will it take to get rid of you. And I mean _get _rid of you, no more contact ever, if there is I'll be forced to take stronger measures..."

"Clarisse, you don't have to do this." He wanted to squeeze her shoulder for support but knew he had no right. No right at all.  
  
"I'm assuming you want cash." Clarisse slipped into business mode and stood moving to her desk.  
  
Lucy nodded her head, shocked at how dignified the older lady was in handling the situation.  
  
"Then I want your full name, address and the amount you want writing down." She handed her a notepad. "And then I want you gone."  
  
"When do I get the money?"  
  
"As soon as I can get it." Clarisse snapped. "And I want not one word of this to anybody, your mother, father, friends, lovers – not one word. Or I swear my dear..." she leant closer to her. "I won't be held responsible for my actions."

* * *

Stunned and guilt ridden Joe hid himself away in the bedroom, not trusting himself enough to watch that woman walk away. Words failed him, how could he explain this to Clarisse, if only he warned her before, explained the very night it happened then maybe they would have been better prepared for this. If only he wasn't such a complete screw-up. Just when he finally got something good and pure, something he'd longed for his entire life he ruins it. Rips it apart and scatters it away.  
  
A headache was forming behind his eyes, a burning sensation spread through his body and the knot in his chest was getting tighter and tighter. He didn't know how long he was there, lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, but he knew things were about to get worse when Clarisse entered the room.  
  
She crossed the room and closed the drapes, sat on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes, took off her jacket and hung it on the back of a chair. Stared at herself in the mirror and ran a hand through her hair, and noticed him watching her.  
  
"You certainly know how to ruin a perfect day Joseph."  
  
He hated the way she said his name, no accusation in it, no harshness just normal. He deserved more.  
  
"I don't even know how to begin, to say sorry."  
  
"I don't want to hear that." She turned to face him. "Why didn't you tell me, why the hell did you do it – how, I just can't... I can't understand how you could."  
  
He pulled himself up on the bed. "It was a mistake."  
  
"I know that!" She shouted.  
  
"I'd had a few drinks, I was lonely..."  
  
"Lonely – oh so somehow this is my fault."  
  
"No, it's mine, my mess. I'll get the money."  
  
"I don't give a damn about the money, she can have the money. I care that you couldn't tell me, alright I can accept you made a mistake, and it was just a kiss." She shrugged. "A stupid kiss, but to not tell me, to just carry on."

She drew in a deep shuddering breath. "When was it?"  
  
"Last night."  
  
She closed her eyes forcing back the tears. "Last night?" Her voice was cracking. "You kissed her last night then came home and made love to me."  
  
"Clarisse..." He crawled across the bed to her and reached for her hand. "I love you."  
  
"No," she snapped. "No, don't do that. Don't you dare say that. You have no right."  
  
"I don't, but its true and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry my darling, you're the last person in the world I would ever wish to hurt." He was crying openly but she held her tears back.  
  
"But you have."  
  
"And I want to take it back, I'd do anything to take it back."

"Things were so bad you could do something like that, to me. You couldn't find a way to talk to me yet you could kiss a stranger."  
  
"Let me explain."  
  
"No! I can't be with you right now, I need some space... I need you to leave."

"Please don't... how can we talk about this if I'm not here."

"If you care at all just go, stay in another room. Another hotel, Joseph." She fought to hold onto her composure. "Please."  
  
He went without another word, and it turned out to be the longest night of his life. He didn't book another room, couldn't bear to. He went out, found an all night coffee shop and had a drink, then walked and walked. Took in the sights of the city by moonlight, once or twice had murderous thoughts about going to that bar and seeking revenge. But he held back, it wasn't going to solve anything, afterall when he came down to who was most guilty the finger pointed at him every time. Somebody had hurt his girl – he had.  
  
Clarisse didn't cry, she didn't scream and shout and throw things about. Calmly she ordered herself dinner, she took a shower and changed. Then she made a few phone calls and the money was organised, it would be at the hotel first thing in the morning. She considered taking it herself but realised that was lowering herself to Ms. Black's level, Toby would take it. Young and eager to please her after the week's events he would do it without question or comment. He didn't have to know what was in the briefcase or of what importance the woman was.  
  
Satisfied the mess was taken care of she went to bed early, her head throbbing, took some sleeping tablets and slept the night through.

* * *

In the morning Clarisse was business as usual, refreshed after a long deep sleep. She was dressed and prepared for the day before Joseph returned; she was waiting for him, expecting him.  
  
When he entered the lounge she stood, showing no outward sign of her heartbreak as she took in his dishevelled appearance. His eyes were darker than usual, his skin awfully pale and he slumped in front of her, so this was what a broken man looked like.  
  
She coughed to clear her throat. "Good morning. I think you should shower, clean yourself up, we have a full day."  
  
He stared at her dumbfounded. "Sorry?"  
  
"It's the party tonight, celebrate bonfire night, we're invited – it's important to me Joe."  
  
She never used his shortened name.  
  
"I'm not sure I can face all those people."  
  
"If I can then you certainly can." She said with just a hint of anger. "Some of these people are my friends and I want to see them, and I want a united front."  
  
He nodded his head, "Sure."  
  
"And tomorrow, I'm going home, the flight is booked."  
  
"On your own?"  
  
"I was expecting you to join me, it depends on what you want." She rose from her chair and straightened her skirt. "I have a few things to do before we leave for the Palace."  
  
"Clarisse," he caught her arm but let go when he saw the look in her eye. "It's gone isn't it, the respect."  
  
"Not the respect Joe, the trust. I trusted you more than anybody, you let me down. It's going to take some time to get that back."  
  
"And the money?"  
  
"Dealt with. It's finished, no more mention of it. Ever. Now if you'll excuse me, the car we'll be here in two hours to collect us, please be ready."  
  
He closed his eyes in a grimace as she left the room, the hardness to her voice, the lack of feeling in her eyes. He'd lost her, there was no way to get that back. Just as he'd started to break down those barriers she'd built up for so many years, just as they started to move forward together he fucked it up. Again.  
  
Clarisse closed the lounge door behind her, leant back against it and shut her eyes willing the tears to disappear. She thought she was stronger than this, she'd dealt with disappointment before, she'd dealt with worse people than this Lucy Black, but Joe, he'd always been her moral guide, her conscience. And now somehow she'd lost that, lost him, and all that he used to be.

* * *

In the darkness, on the hill top Clarisse stood with a glass of champagne in her hand. Above her lights of every colour exploded, people gathered below her and watched in awe, showers of colour lit up the sky and fell around her. Yet she felt lonely, isolated and empty. She hurriedly wiped at her face as tears stung her eyes and slid down her cheeks. Now wasn't the time to lose control, this wasn't the place to lose face.  
  
A hand rested on her back, another gripped her fingers and held her hand warm and comforting. He stood so close to her, whispering in her ear so nobody else could hear or suspect anything.  
  
"Don't cry, it breaks my heart."  
  
"I don't know what to do." She whispered in response. "It's the first time I don't know how to fix something."

"This isn't your problem to fix, it's mine."  
  
She glanced down at their entwined hands, the way her fingers stroked his, instinct and feeling taking over, surpassing the aching inside her chest.  
  
"And will you be with me on the plane tomorrow?"  
  
"No."  
  
Her head shot up, searching his eyes for reasons.  
  
"It's not because I don't want to, lord knows right now I don't want to leave your side for fear you won't ever see me again. But I just think, we need space. We need time to think alone."  
  
"Where will you go?"  
  
"Spain, I thought. Try and sort things out with my family, with my brother."  
  
She turned back to look at the magnificent display going on above her and sighed deeply, painfully. "How long for?"  
  
"I don't know, in the end, I think it will be for the best."  
  
"How can you say that – we'll be apart, how can that be for the best." Her dignity was shattering around her, she was losing control. Joseph shushed her, kissed her hand; this wasn't the time for her to let the majestic façade slip.  
  
"We'll talk everyday, if you need me I'll be there."  
  
"I don't want this to be the end."  
  
"It isn't, it's my chance to try and resolve these issues, to make it better. For both of us." Feeling brave he reached over and stroked a finger across hr mouth. "You look so beautiful tonight. I wanted to tell you earlier."  
  
She snuffled back her tears and tried to smile. "I didn't want to hear it earlier." She took a breath and licked her lips. "We will make it through this won't we..."  
  
"Yes. We will." He wasn't entirely convinced of that fact but at that point they both needed to hear it. "I love you so much Clarisse."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
The following morning Joseph watched Clarisse board her flight to Genovia, he kissed her mouth, making her promise to call him as soon as she landed. They had concocted a story between them to feed to everybody, he was simply visiting his family, he would be gone a few weeks. In actual fact neither was sure how long he'd be gone or what it would mean in the long run.  
  
At 1:45 Joseph boarded his own flight to Spain, sitting alone, attempting to read a book Clarisse had given him he found a picture placed just inside the cover. Their wedding day, dancing on their wedding day.  
  
"One day at a time old man..." He told himself. "One day at a time."

"_I'd never have known the way it feels to love without the love you showered down upon me, warm as the sun melting away the rain, giving me strength to face another morning. So many times I've felt afraid and turned to you to find my way, I reach inside and find you there, you are with me everywhere. It would take all of my life to find someone more there for me, and I'm never alone because in my heart I know you're always there for me.  
  
I won't let go of precious memories; they are the light of hope that burns inside me. And every time I lose my way you shine for me and I'm ok, you lead me way beyond it all and you never let me fall. It would take all of my life to find someone more there for me, and I'm never alone because in my heart I know you're always there for me."_


	7. part 7

Part 7  
  
Only once had the façade almost slipped, when Mia had greeted her grandma privately with a hug in her suite. Clarisse, uncharacteristically, clung to young lady and closed her eyes willing herself not to weep. She hated lying to her, had promised herself she never would, but Mia too believed all was well with the couple and Joe was simply visiting his family in Spain.  
  
The first few days had been the hardest, as angry as she was with Joe and his stupidity she missed having her around. She missed having the comfort that came with just knowing he was there; if she needed him then he was there. Not a flight away.  
  
He called her every night at the same time, when she was ready for bed and having tea in her room. The problem was she could never picture him, couldn't close her eyes and imagine where he was sitting or what he was wearing or how his face looked. She had only his voice to go by, for the first week he was cold and distant. But as time had gone on he seemed much better, that warmth she knew so well was creeping back in and it occurred to her that the longer they were apart – the better he sounded.

* * *

_Monday 22nd November – the beginning of the third week  
  
_Clarisse piled the pillows behind her and pulled the duvet even tighter around her body. The phone rested in her lap and she stared at it impatiently waiting for his call. Tea on her bedside table, a book by her side, she fiddled with her glasses and continually looked back and forth to the clock. When it finally rang and Charlotte connected the call through she felt a smile spread across her face at the sound of his voice. This wasn't like her; this was some teenager flirting with her first real boyfriend.  
  
"Hello my love."  
  
She took a breath at the sound of his voice. "Good evening, and how are you today?"  
  
"I'm well, busy, active, but its good."  
  
"Good, I'm glad."  
  
"And you, what have you been doing today?"  
  
She let her head fall back onto the pillows. "Usual, meeting and greeting. Oh preparing for Christmas, the decorations will be going up at the weekend."  
  
"I forget it's coming quickly."  
  
She bit her lip nervously... counted the seconds of silence. "Will you be, back for it?" 

More silence. "I hope so."  
  
"I'd like you to be there."  
  
"I know, I would too."  
  
She continued to chat to him about inane things, incidents that had taken place in the palace. How amusing Lionel was when she offered him a permanent position within the security detail. Joe, as always, was less forthcoming with his information. Content to sit and listen to her chatter on about her day, her surroundings, it pleased him that she still felt she could share these things with him despite events in London.  
  
After an hour or so Clarisse hung up the phone and turned off the light, she settled down in bed and closed her eyes trying to imagine Joe doing the same. What position he would be lying in, how he'd smell after a quick refreshing shower. She knew he was right, he needed this break – perhaps they both did, the readjustment to married life and new roles had turned out to be a shock to the system. But god she missed having him there.

* * *

Clarisse still struggled with technology and for some reason was still utterly shocked when she pressed a button and her computer screen burst to life. She'd resisted having a computer for years but it was Mia who convinced her if she was competent enough to run a country then surely she could manage a computer.  
  
She sat back in her chair and watched as it went through its start up sequence, then blinked shocked as the background cleared and came into focus. Who the hell...Mia, that's who!  
  
Clarisse never particularly stormed anywhere but in this instance it was a fair representation. She barged into Mia's suite without knocking and found the now Queen engaged in some or other yoga activity.  
  
"Now young lady would you care to explain just exactly what you've been doing in my office."  
  
Mia flopped over from her headstand and disorientated reached for her slippers. "Sorry Grandma, what?"  
  
"My office, my computer."  
  
Mia's face broke into a broad smile. "Oh you found it, I knew you'd like it."  
  
"Like it!" Clarisse stopped herself when she realised she was being overdramatic and went to sit.  
  
"Grandma what's wrong, I thought you'd love it."  
  
"Where did you get it?" Clarisse's voice was soft, faltering.

"It was taken at the wedding, I just assumed, well I thought it would make you smile even when you were working."  
  
Clarisse closed her eyes for a second and saw the picture again. She and Joseph, dancing, her back to him but her head turned toward his face, looking deep into his eyes. And he returned that gaze with an equal amount of love and passion and depth, one hand resting on her back the other holding her hand so delicately in his. She remembered that moment.  
  
"I didn't know there was a picture, I didn't know you could get it onto those machines." She waved her hand toward the door. "I'm sorry dear, it just, surprised me."  
  
"Grandma, something's wrong, I know it is. Joe's been gone almost three weeks and you haven't even spoken about him returning. The annual Christmas ball..."  
  
"I know, is two weeks away, I know that. He's just, his family need him right now Mia I can't tell you anymore." She noted the discomfort on her granddaughter's face and quickly rose taking hold of her hand. "Mia, things are happening between Joseph and myself that I can't... I can't understand myself let alone explain to you. It's complicated and we just, he just needs some time."  
  
"But... he won't be here for Christmas?"  
  
"I pray he will be, I truly do." She took a sharp breath attempting to control her emotions. "It's difficult."  
  
"Something happened in London, why won't you tell me?"  
  
"I'm sorry." She kissed Mia's forehead. "I'm going for a walk in the garden. I need to clear my head sweetheart. Carry on with your... well whatever is you're doing. Gymnastics."  
  
And with a quick turn she was gone leaving poor Mia even more confused.

* * *

Unable to let it rest Mia changed and followed Clarisse down to the garden, she found the older lady standing under the famous pear tree staring at its bark.  
  
"Grandma?" She whispered as she approached her. "Grandma it's freezing out here."  
  
Startled Clarisse lifted her head to look at her. "Mia dear, go back inside. You'll catch a chill."  
  
"And you won't! What are you doing?"

"You see here, the boys carved their names into the tree, just the two of them side by side. I'd almost forgotten, they couldn't have been more than ten." She traced her hand over the names. "I miss your father very, very much Mia. I can't tell you."  
  
Mia placed a hand on her grandmother's shoulder, unable to find something to say.

"I wept for so long after his death, fell apart, the staff thought I wouldn't survive it but Joseph, it was Joseph's support that got me through. Always there whenever I needed somebody to talk things through, or question the reasoning for it all or occasionally just to shout at. He would always be there for me. And now..." Her voice faded away.  
  
"Tell me what happened."  
  
Clarisse shook her head determined. "I can't." She dug her hands into her coat pockets and started to walk away from the tree through the garden.  
  
Mia followed her; she wasn't going to give up that easily. "I saw Joe once, by the stream, miles from here."  
  
"Really." Clarisse lifted her head, Joe had never mentioned this.  
  
"I was riding, so was he, I guess we bumped into each other. He said he went there for the peace, and that I should convince you to go there."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"It was the first time it ever crossed my mind that something might not be right."  
  
"You're growing up too quickly my dear." Clarisse linked her arm through Mia's. "Joseph was finding our pace of life a little stifling, not being Head of Security anymore I suppose he felt a little... redundant."

"I wondered if that was it."  
  
"You see I failed to recognise the problems he was having, failed to give him my time and support just when he needed it the most. The first few months of a new marriage are difficult for any couple, sharing your life with somebody so completely and intimately can be overwhelming. Imagine marrying into a royal family and all that comes with it."  
  
"Which is why you wanted to guide me towards somebody who understood the role, who would be prepared for it."  
  
"As prepared as you can be, yes."  
  
"London?" Mia guided Clarisse towards a seat.

"London." She was shaking as she said the word. "Terrible, I promised him time together but I got so caught up in everything that again I neglected to see what was happening in front of me. And he just couldn't talk to me could he, oh no that would be too much trouble." She felt her voice rising as her anger surfaced.

She stumbled on wanting to get the words out as quickly as possible. "Joe made a mistake, a big mistake as it turned out. And we, well I dealt with it. But it left a gaping hole in our relationship; you see I've always trusted him completely, without doubt. And then all of a sudden that was gone, so quickly. And we struggled to find common ground and he thought it best if he didn't return with me straight away, if we had time apart to think."  
  
"But he still loves you?"  
  
"Oh yes, you know he calls me every night just to say that."  
  
Mia couldn't help but smile. "And you?"  
  
Clarisse nodded. "Yes, yes I love him."  
  
"Then why on earth don't you bring him back?"  
  
"Bring him back, Mia I've asked, as discreetly as I can. I don't want to force him into it, it has to be his decision."  
  
"Do you tell him every night, that you love him?"  
  
"I..." Clarisse closed her mouth abruptly as realisation hit. "I must do, I can't remember. Oh god Mia."  
  
Mia took hold of her grandmother's hand. "Go to him."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Get a make-over, have your nails done, wear a nice dress and go get him."  
  
"I'm not the heroine in a movie, despite what you think this isn't a fairytale."  
  
"Yes it is, you waited all these years to find true love and now you're just gonna let it slip away regardless."  
  
"I'm too old to rush across the world chasing after him."  
  
"It's a short flight, and you're not chasing, you're simply going to ask him to come home. Because you want that, don't you Grandma?"  
  
"Yes, I want that more than anything. I don't care what he did, not anymore. I miss him so very much."  
  
"Then like I say, go get him. Go kick some ass and bring him back."

Clarisse laughed. "Kick some ass?" It sounded odd coming from her well manicured voice.  
  
"Whatever, just tell him how you feel, like you told me. You're worse than me at relationships."  
  
"That's because I never had one before."

Sadness crept over Mia's smiling face. "Oh grandma, you must do this, you deserve to be together. Forget the crown for once and just follow your heart, didn't you tell me to do the same."  
  
Determined not to cry in front of her granddaughter Clarisse took short deep breaths and turned her head to look out over the garden. "Mia, I'm thinking of retiring."  
  
"Great – err in the nicest way of course. I have Charlotte, I have hundreds of advisors."  
  
"And Nicholas."  
  
"Yes, and Nicholas." She smiled embarrassed.  
  
"And I might even take to travel, I need to see the world without the press ogling my every move."

"Thanks for that."

Clarisse laughed and squeezed Mia's hand. "It will all come to you in good time my darling." She kissed her again. "I'm not quite sure about racing to Joseph's side right now though. I may just give him space."  
  
"Alright, but please, please, please...think seriously about it. I miss having him around."  
  
"I know the feeling."

* * *

Later that afternoon Clarisse sat by the fire in her room, a book in one hand, her tea in the other and a rather large box of rich, extravagant chocolates resting in her lap. Gradually she was working her way through trying one of each type and comparing which was the best.  
  
She looked up annoyed when there was a knock at the door but settled again when Charlotte entered.  
  
"Charlotte my dear, how are you today?"

"Very well your Majesty, I spoke to the Queen earlier and she mentioned you were thinking of taking a trip and I should go over the details with you."  
  
Clarisse shook her head smiling. "She is a little..." She closed her book and reluctantly put the chocolates to one side. "Just as I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself."

"Majesty?"  
  
"Oh it doesn't matter Charlotte, alright then, if I'm going to do this I might aswell do it now. Would it be possible to organise a flight to Spain tomorrow?"  
  
Charlotte couldn't resist smiling; she too had spoken with Joe almost everyday assuring him she was watching over her former Queen. "Of course ma'am, no problem at all." She quickly jotted something down. "And where would you prefer to stay this time?"  
  
"I won't be needing a suite; I'll need a car to take me from the airport to the address Joseph gave you. And cancel my appointments for the next week or so."  
  
"Yes ma'am." Charlotte said brightening up and turning to the door. "I'll get right on it."

"Thank you, I know you will."  
  
Clarisse stood by the fire and gazed at the picture on the marble top, at the alter together holding hands.  
  
"I had so many pictures from that day." She said aloud to the empty room, "I can't remember where they all went..."

Frustrated Clarisse went to her private library, it was rather on the small side but she found it comfortable to sit in there and read alone. When they married and Joseph had moved into her suite she'd encouraged him to spend time in there and as the weeks went by he'd read so many of the books she suggested.  
  
She moved around the room searching the shelves for the private album that he'd put together. She'd laughed when he began creating it straight after the wedding but he insisted the memories that went in there with for the two of them alone. Wedding pictures, Mia's coronation, their honeymoon, random shots he'd insisted on taking of her in the garden. She smiled when she finally located it, hidden away behind some encyclopaedia.  
  
Taking it to the couch she settled back and flicked through the covers, she'd never actually taken the time to go through it all before. She must have sat there for over an hour stopping to mull over each individual picture and Joseph's following comments before finally deciding it was getting late and if she was leaving tomorrow she needed to sort a few things out.  
  
As she attempted to slot the album back into the shelf she found it stuck halfway, something was blocking it. She pulled it back out and slipped her hand between the books finding a small black box. Puzzled she picked it up, replaced the album and flicked the box open.


	8. part 8

_I remember that time that you told me, you said "love is touching souls." Surely you touched mine 'cause part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time. You're in my blood like holy wine, and you taste so bitter and you taste so sweet. I could drink a case of you darling, and still I'd be on my feet._

Part 8

Alone and free in his actions Joseph found his spirit was beginning to settle again. Maybe it was being in his homeland that did it, walking the streets in which he'd played as a boy. Familiar sights and smells, he was comfortable here, nobody questioned him, nobody watched his every move. And nobody knew of his current problems.

He walked early in the morning, when the mist was still rolling in from the sea, sat on the pier and watched the boats go out. It was then he thought of Clarisse – well in actual fact he thought of her every second of the day – but then it was the most poignant. Imagining her waking without him, wondering what she was doing with her day and jealous of the people who got to be near her. He had only himself to blame and at times the guilt was overwhelming. The thought that after fifteen years of dedication and silent adoration he had betrayed her trust, the thought that after so many years of lifeless marriage she had finally found love only for that love to turn around and let her down.

When Joseph had landed in Spain almost three weeks ago it had taken two days to pluck up the courage to go to Rico's house. Then another two to even get his brother to acknowledge him, he didn't tell him of his marital problems, that would only fuel the fire. In fact the only person he had spoken to over it was Elisa, his sister-in-law. He'd always liked her, felt sorry for her in some respects; she was a good woman with a not so good husband. Wasn't that always the way. She hadn't judged Joe or berated his behaviour, she was used to wayward husbands, she just listened. She was a straightforward, down the line woman, said what she thought and took no prisoners.

After three nights in a rather unpleasant hotel, a step down from the suite in London, Elisa had insisted he stay with them. It was an attic room that was too hot in the summer and freezing in the winter. Their two children were noisy and full of energy; the house was always filled with the smells of food and never tidy. But he liked it; it made him happy to be there among the chaos. Being part of it took his mind of the loss of Clarisse, at least for a little while.

His days had been full despite the initial awkwardness of his arrival. He volunteered for practically any event that was taking place, any odd job that needed doing he was there, the first man on the scene. He felt useful, he felt competent and whole again. Whatever happened between Clarisse and himself he knew he had to find something meaningful to occupy his time, because it didn't matter how much he loved her or how much she loved him it would help neither of them if he returned to that lazy state of mind.

He'd even taken to cooking; it was something he used to do a great deal as a child and even as a young man. His mother insisted on it, as the eldest boy he had no choice in the matter. Two older sisters married and out of the family home by the time they reached nineteen, another sister a year younger than Joe and Rico, the baby. Out of the five of them Rico was the only one still in the area they grew up in. Louisa, who Joe had always been closest to, had moved to America almost as soon as she escaped school. His eldest sister, Isabel, had died some years ago from cancer and Alita the middle one had been the dedicated housewife and followed her new husband to Germany.

Sometimes it saddened him just how far apart they'd grown, not just the physical distance but emotionally too. He could recall days spent playing in the fields behind the village, times when nothing was more important in the world than having a sandwich in your pocket and being out of the house before 8:30. Long summer days when everything was an adventure and so important and life changing – how simple it all looked to him now. If only he could stick a band-aid on it and return to the game.

* * *

"Up late this morning, slipping into palace ways again are we..." Elisa teased as he made his way down the stairs.

"Good morning sweet miss." He smiled winningly and kissed her forehead. "Any breakfast left?"

"You'll have to look, I haven't had time to clean up after the boys yet. Oh and a message from Rico, if you have the time he'd like your help at the building site. Winter's close."

"On the doorstep I'd say." He replied, looking out from the kitchen window to the garden. "If I have time..." He shook his head.

Elisa watched him as she tidied the couch and collected up the toys left on the floor. "How is she then?"

"Sorry?" He poured himself coffee from the pot.

"Her majesty, how is she? You were on the phone an awfully long time last night."

"I know. And please don't call her that."

"What would you prefer?"

"Her name might be a start." He sat down on one of the stools. "Right now she seems a world away."

"That's because she is, Genovia highlife is – why do you think it was so difficult for Rico to accept it. It's not like you married some local girl who had a bit of a history. She is history."

"I know that, I don't need reminding." He chewed on his toast. "I am trying to blend the two, it isn't easy."

"Hence the fact you're here I'd say."

He stared at her blankly.

"When were you thinking of going home?"

"Boring of me?"

"Hardly. Nice to have somebody to talk to." She sat across from him pouring herself a coffee. "And dance with, long time since Rico took the time to dance, with me anyhow..."

"You never forget." He smiled.

"You seem to have got better with age. Practice?"

"More like continual usage – we dance quite a lot, a hell of a lot." He couldn't help but look down at his hands remembering the feel of Clarisse's soft gentle fingers folded in his.

"So that was how you won her over then, dancing by candlelight. Or was it simply your natural charm?" She laughed.

"Hey!" He shook his head laughing with her. "Actually, I'm not sure what it was. Or how I managed it. When you meet her, when you see her smile or those eyes or hear her speak you'll know straight away why I fell in love with her. But I still see little reason for her looking at me..."

"Hey what is this? Feel sorry for Joe day! Come on, buck up, despite what a mess you made of recent events you're a pretty decent guy really. Sometimes. Most of the time." She smiled warmly and squeezed his hand. "So stop putting yourself down, how you ever going to win her back when you keep up this depression. You gotta win her over again."

"Not so easy when it's her trust I've got to win."

She shrugged. "Despite her status and money I'm sure her high and mighty... Clarisse, knows a good thing when she sees it. You're a keeper my boy, so finish up here and clear out. I need the space for a while. And quit this down in the dumps."

"Do you think, we'll ever get to a point where Rico will accept it?"

"Perhaps, in time. I certainly hope so, Christmas with the in-laws darling." She smiled adopting a posh voice. "How marvellous."

"No invite for you with that voice." He drained the last of his coffee and got up from his seat. "Right then, I'm off. Thanks for the chat, again."

"Do have a lovely day." She called from the lounge in her high-pitched snooty voice.

He was laughing as he left the house and made his way down the street.

* * *

It had been a long hard day, the weather was gradually getting worse, Joe's hands were frozen before he even got to where Rico was working which wasn't much use really. The good light was gone by 5:30 and Joe was set for going home, having a long bath and getting in bed with a book. His little brother had other ideas.

"I told you before, this is a great bar. But I'm perfectly happy sitting here." Joe emphasised his point by raising his glass and taking a drink. He didn't particularly enjoy beer but sitting there with Rico having an after work drink didn't really seem an opportune moment to have a glass of merlot.

"You should come and dance."

"I don't do this type of dancing I told you. Go, I'm fine here."

He watched as his younger brother made his way to the young lady that had been beckoning him then turned his back on the pair and directed his attention to the barman.

"Tell me, how did you end up working here?" Joe asked the young man.

He shrugged. "Mixture of good and bad luck I guess." He was Australian, large build, chiselled good looks, and a very distinguished accent. "Came over to work for the summer, ended up staying. It's not all bad. How about you?"

"I grew up here actually."

"You lost the accent."

Joe smiled. "I worked hard at losing it. Wasn't appropriate. Plus I moved around a lot, you pick things up."

"What is it you do?"

"Security, or was - I just retired."

"Ah right. Big change?"

"Very, just married too."

"Wow, busy year."

"Busy few months."

"Is your wife here then?"

"No, no she's... home. I'm visiting my brother."

"Quite a character Rico, always game for a laugh."

"Don't I know it."

"You staying long? Bet the wife is missing you."

Joe shrugged. "Yeah, I'm certainly missing her. But you know how things are... No you don't you're too young. I'll tell you something though; when you're young you imagine everything will be sorted by the time you reach my age. It will all make sense and you'll never get things wrong and trip yourself up," he smiled lazily. "Don't bet on it. That's all I'm saying."

He drained the rest of his beer. "You know I don't really enjoy this stuff."

"I did notice. You don't look like the beer type of man, something more – distinguished."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Do. Not tempted?" He asked indicating the two women that Rico was now dancing with.

Joe shook his head. "Not in the slightest, you get to a point when you realise sex is better when you care that it means something. I've done the other... I'm too old for it now. Not to put you off."

"Don't worry, it won't." he smiled and dropped the towel he was holding. "Well that's me for the night, thanks for the chat, makes a change."

"Thank you, enjoyed your company. I think it's time for me to get going too." He turned on his stool to look for Rico, still dancing, slow dancing between two girls. Joe recognised the song from years ago.

He made his way across to him and tapped his shoulder, leaning forward to whisper in his ear over the noise. "I'm off are you coming?"

"What! You're joking, why don't you stay, you might have some fun. She has a friend you see."

Joe nodded. "I know, I'm not interested you know that. I'll see you in the morning then?"

"Sure." Rico patted his shoulder. "Thanks for your help today."

"Anytime, you know that." It was the first time Joe could recall his little brother saying something truly positive to him since he arrived.

He left without another word and dug his hands into his pockets as the cold night air hit his body. The streets were almost empty, the hour late; he'd have to hurry back to catch Clarisse before she went to bed. He hadn't missed one call in the last three weeks, he wasn't about to now.

As he walked he hummed the song from the bar, recalling it's words. He'd have to get a copy when he got home, play it for Clarisse, dance with her to it. In the privacy of their rooms where role and decorum didn't play a part. How he missed her, just the scent of her skin, the warmth of her body next to his in bed at night.

That last evening in London, when they'd stood side by side watching the fireworks, all those hundreds of people and crowds on the hillside watching too. But for him it was just the two of them, and that aching gap forming between them. The pain on her face and in her voice. The taste of her tears when he kissed her cheek. Oh god, it still throbbed in his chest, still gagged in his throat. He couldn't help but question why the hell it had happened, what he'd been thinking – or not thinking as it turned out. Why he let the doubt inside him grow so big and swallow up every trace of happiness that had been so huge not two months before. He wanted it back, he wanted it all back, to erase time and return to the lake with her and wade in the water and make love through the night. And then nothing would matter; the world could drift away because his centre, his life would be there.

Realising he was crying openly Joe furiously wiped at his face with his gloved hand; it wouldn't do to get home looking like that. Wouldn't do at all. He took a few deep calming breaths as he reached the front door, gaining control before he went in to the warmth of the house. He would take a shower, have a glass of wine and call Clarisse and beg her to take him back. This separation had lasted far too long.

"_When your baby leaves you all alone & nobody calls you on the phone don't you feel like crying? Don't you feel like crying, well here I am honey, cry to me. When you're all alone in your lonely room & there's nothing but the smell of her perfume, don't you feel like crying? Don't you feel like crying, well come on and cry to me. Nothing can be sadder than a glass of wine alone, loneliness; loneliness is such a waste of time. You don't ever have to walk alone, well come on take my hand & walk with me."_


	9. part 9

Part 9

It occurred to Clarisse, as her driver announced their arrival at her destination, that she had made a big mistake. Although not a limousine crawling up the street the sleek Jaguar stuck out awkwardly. Hardly anybody who lived there would have failed to notice her arrival.

She shrunk into the back seat inwardly cringing; this wasn't exactly what she'd planned. She hadn't considered the options, she hadn't thought this through completely. Or she had thought it through but the conclusions she reached weren't exactly the same ones she was experiencing now.

"Are you alright ma'am?" The driver glanced at her.

"Yes, fine, just a moment."

She looked down at her suit, smoothed her skirt, although neat, tidy – and as Mia might say, clean, she seemed to suddenly be overdressed. Reluctantly she allowed the driver to open the door and help her out.

Timidly she stood at the door, aware of eyes on her back, she lifted her head and rang the bell, nervously waiting for an answer. She folded her hands, tapped her foot on the flagstones and chewed on her bottom lip.

And she was wearing Pearls!! Damn to hell whoever fetched them from the sea and...

The door opened and she smiled weakly. "Hello, I'm..."

"I know who you are, it's difficult not to."

Her smile faded; perhaps she wasn't at all welcome. Joseph had said there were difficulties, but she'd hoped that the time he'd spent here had eased them.

"You'd better come in, that is if you want to. People will be gathering round soon."

Clarisse looked behind her for any gathering crowds and caught her driver's eye. She gave instructions for him to return to the hotel, she would call later. He was reluctant to leave her alone, unattended, but she was quietly insistent and gave him her best hard stare.

Following the younger lady into the heart of the house she was struck by how pretty it was, not organised or sparkling but still it seemed pleasant enough. And she thought of Joseph and the fact he was there.

"Well, how should I address you?" Elisa asked, as blunt as ever. Luckily Joe had warned his wife about her directness.

"Clarisse will be fine."

"Well then Clarisse, you should take a seat."

"Oh, er, thank you." She uncomfortably looked around for a suitable, and relatively clean, chair.

"Would you like some tea?"

"That would be wonderful yes." She chose a hardback chair by the table, sat down, pulled her jacket together and tucked one ankle behind the other. She did this every time she was in a situation she wasn't entirely comfortable with. "You're Elisa, am I correct?"

"You are. I was wondering if you'd come here."

"Oh." Clarisse tried hard to hide her shock.

"Hmm, I thought you weren't the type – in the end."

Defensively she said. "The type to do what?"

"Chase after a man."

She opened her mouth to respond in the negative but instead ended up smiling and glancing at the floor somewhat embarrassed.

"I was going to argue the point, but yes I suppose I am. It isn't exactly considered the thing to do is it, in this day and age."

"Certainly not by one such as yourself."

Clarisse was struck by how alert this woman was, intelligence in eyes and wit. "Do you think I'm wrong to be here?"

"No, I think you waited a while but it's about time you showed up."

She should have been angry but instead Clarisse laughed freely. It was the most relaxed she'd felt in weeks.

Her tea was placed in front of her.

"China cups only come out for important visitors." Elisa said sitting across from her guest.

"Thank you."

"Joe isn't here I'm afraid."

Hurt Clarisse stared at her cup, turning it around on the saucer.

"He's helping Rico."

"I'm so glad they're friends again." She said honestly, openly.

"Me too, but it wasn't easy and I'd say at best – it's fragile."

"Because of me?"

"Yes, I don't like to say it to you but yes."

"He doesn't know me."

"That doesn't seem to matter, he knows enough. He thought you were a stuck up royal before Joe turned up here, now he thinks you're a stuck up royal who hurt his brother."

"He hurt me!" She snapped. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"He told me."

"Sorry?"

"Joe told me what he did, and how he'd been – how things have been. He needed to talk."

"Oh." Somehow the fact Elisa had been confided in seemed a slight betrayal.

"He's missed you, calling you every night like that I told him the phone bill will be through the roof and I'm sure I'm not paying."

"We'll pay, you must know that."

"I understand money isn't an option for you – born aristocracy?"

"You don't like that, I never asked to be, does it mean I'm a bad person?"

"No, that's not what I meant. What I mean is you've led a different life to the one we've had, you can't simply blend the two like that." She snapped her fingers, the sound was harsh to Clarisse and she winced.

"Joseph said something similar. That we'd had different upbringings, I wonder sometimes if that's what parted us... I didn't think, I mean I never considered the fact that when we married something like this could happen and I handled it all so terribly ... you probably know that."

"I'm not judging your marriage. Hell I'm no philosopher on the fact. He screwed up, he knows that. But he's also starting to realise why and he's working through that."

"Then maybe I am wrong to be here, he needs space, time apart – I'm scared he won't come home."

"He'd come home anytime you ask, he thinks you won't be able to forgive him."

"I have." She butted in eager to say everything at once.

"He means completely, that you won't be able to trust him totally again."

"I do, I always have. Do you realise Elisa, that Joseph was the first man I ever loved, the only man. My entire life and I find this now, and I never knew it could feel so... right. And I want it back. I won't lose it."

"You won't believe me. He'd crawl over hot coals for you."

Clarisse smiled at the image. "I wouldn't ask him to do that."

Elisa returned the smile; begin to ease up in this lady's regal presence. "But he would, he adores you."

"He told you that?" Clarisse wasn't usually comfortable discussing her emotions but she told herself there comes a time when you just have to let go – it seemed to be that time.

"He doesn't have to. It's in his eyes, in his voice when he talks about you, worships the ground you walk on – is that what they say?"

Clarisse nodded vaguely, suddenly desperate to see her husband again. She twisted the band on her wedding finger. "It hurts that we fell apart after only a few months." She whispered.

"Teething problems, every marriage has it. You must have... before I mean."

Clarisse shook her head. "It was different, I'd known Rupert for so long, known we would marry for so many years. I grew up with the idea, I was used to it. It didn't change me. This time, this time everything changed."

"That's love and lust for you. Shakes everything up."

Clarisse looked up startled by the woman's frankness.

Elisa couldn't help but laugh at her expression. "Oh come on, he's a good looking guy our Joe."

"He is." She responded quietly.

"I won't press the issue." Elisa said getting up.

"Oh I don't mind, I just...sorry." She shrugged.

"No need to be. You know his mother always called him Joseph, never shortened it, everybody else did."

Clarisse brightened. "I always have, I like it better. He hardly speaks of his mother."

"I have pictures, somewhere."

"Really, I'd love to see." Her eyes sparkled.

"May take me a while to dig them out."

"I have as long as it takes." Clarisse said shrugging.

"I feel awful."

"Why?"

She indicated her jeans and shabby apron. "Dressed like this and you so..."

"Clean?" Clarisse suggested.

"Royal, regal, elegant – would have been my suggestions. But I guess clean covers it."

Clarisse laughed. "Thank you Elisa, you have no idea how nervous I was coming here."

"You never expect royalty to be nervous but I guess you're human too. You feel too."

"To be perfectly honest I sometimes forget that fact myself." She said sadly.

"I'll go find those pictures."

* * *

Joseph was whistling when he got back to the house, it was late but the moon hung large in the sky lighting the sidewalk. Besides he knew these streets like the back of his hand, he'd run them countless times as a youngster. Usually he would have skipped a conversation, it was getting late and he was tired, and headed straight for his room but, feeling guilty over Rico, he stopped at the lounge before heading upstairs.

"Good evening my Eli." He said bending to kiss her head.

"Hello wanderer, I was beginning to think you weren't coming home. No Rico?"

He shook his head trying to hide his shame. "Not yet."

"Ah well no surprise," She turned her attention back to the television.

"Coffee?" Joe asked as he headed for the kitchen.

"I'm fine thanks. Oh, but you have a visitor."

He stopped. "Sorry?"

"A visitor." She pointed to the ceiling. "In your room."

In a second he'd raced to the top of the house to the attic room. Pushed open the door and breathlessly barged in.

Clarisse was seated at his makeshift desk, her face seemed almost angelic to him as she looked up and smiled. She'd been reading something, she slipped her glasses off and snapped her book shut.

"Hello." She said gently.

"Hi." Was that the extent of his response – hi? Good god! He rushed forward and fell to his knees grabbing her body and crushing her against him. "Oh god Clarisse, I never dreamed you'd come here."

Overwhelmed she did her best to calm him, a hand stroking his back, another the bottom of his neck. "I had to," She snuffled back her tears. "I had to come and tell you I love you."

* * *

He made tea, nice and strong and laced with whisky. And they sat in his tiny room drinking it.

"I bet you've never seen such a small place."

She smiled and glanced around, Joseph had been living here.

"It's certainly cosy, but you look well."

"You look amazing."

She laughed and waved her hand at him. "I had my nails done, Mia's advice."

"Oh well they look wonderful."

They were silent, it wasn't awkward just lengthy. Clarisse desperate to say more, to fix it all then and there. Joseph praying she'd forgiven him.

"It's late." He finally offered.

"Yes, I suppose it is. I didn't bring luggage, I got here early and I thought I'd be flying home... with you."

He glanced up at her. "Would you stay, stay tonight with me here."

"You know I will." She reached across and took his hand. "But I have no nightwear."

* * *

She felt rather odd wearing one of Joseph's shirts, it was clean and long and covered what she needed it too but nevertheless she wouldn't be wandering about the house in it.

He'd left her alone in the room to change and settle in bed, besides he had a few things to clear with Elisa.

Clarisse wandered the room tracing her hand over Joseph's clothes, his books piled on the desk, a picture of Mia there too. At the only window she pulled back the blind in an attempt to see the view he had, but it was too dark and she was too high up. She gave up, replaced the blind and took off the slippers Joseph had given her to wear.

The room was surprisingly warm, the carpet soft and she dug her toes in as she made her way to bed and pulled back the many blankets piled on it. There was no lamp by the bed but several candles were lined up on the small table, all of which looked like they'd been used fairly recently. Along side them stood a picture of the two of them together, she remembered the event well. Her birthday last year, when they were still unsure about where their relationship was going, when she was still terrified of what she felt. But the look on her face that night when they danced betrayed her, there was no doubting the way she felt when he wrapped his arms around her body and expertly swept her across the ballroom.

Shaking the memory she lit the candles and turned off the main light, leaving the room in virtual darkness.

The sheets smelt of Joseph, they felt cool to her skin, refreshing. She allowed her eyes to close as she fell back on the pillows and waited for him to return.

She'd almost drifted to sleep by the time the door creaked open.

"I thought you weren't coming back." She whispered, barely opening her eyes.

"I wanted to give you time to change... besides I didn't know if you wanted me here. I can sleep on the floor."

"Joseph, you're my husband."

"True, it doesn't automatically guarantee me a place in your bed."

"It's your bed. And I want you here with me." She pulled back the sheets for him.

Permission given he dropped his robe to the floor and climbed in, lying back and finally relaxing for the first time in weeks.

"Technically it's Elisa's bed." Joseph said into the darkness.

Clarisse laughed. "Then I'll thank her tomorrow."

She turned onto her side and moved close to him. He lifted his arm and she easily melted against him, her head resting on his chest, his arms instinctively circling her body and holding her close to him.

"God I've missed this." He whispered.

"Me too."

She wanted to say more, to talk and talk for hours and make everything better. But the reality was it had been a long day and she was exhausted and overcome with emotion, as she expected he also was. Plus it dawned on her that perhaps tonight they didn't need to say anything at all because simply being there was enough.

They drifted to sleep together.


	10. part 10

_Oh sympathy where have you gone? I'm getting old and I need something to rely on. So tell me when you're gonna let me in, I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin. _

And if you have a minute why don't we go, talk about it somewhere only we know. **This can't be the end of everything.** So why don't we go, somewhere only we know.

Part 10

Clarisse woke with a start and sat bolt upright in bed, her eyes blinking in the dim light and attempting to take in, and make sense of, her surroundings. It was raining, heavily from the sound of it. Battering down on the roof, beating the windows. She shivered in the cold, damp air, her body was used to a well-heated and ventilated room, to a lavish bed and silk sheets. Not a small room at the top of a house barely protected from the elements.

Joseph murmured in his sleep and she remembered her reasons for being there. She lay back down and his arm slid around her body pulling her close against him. He was warm, the feel of his breath on her neck was comforting and gradually it lulled her back to sleep.

When she woke again Joseph was staring down at her, his head propped up on one hand, a smile on his face.

"Good morning." He whispered. "Sleep well?"

"Hmm." She mumbled closing her eyes again.

He laughed. "Takes some getting used to."

"Let's hope I don't have to." She said throatily.

"Can I confess something?"

"Yes." She mouthed.

"I've had many, many fantasies about you over the years – funnily enough not of them involved this room and this bed."

She giggled. "Oh I'm so glad to hear that."

She opened her eyes fully, taking in his expression – joy, was that it? Relief, pleasure, expectation, want, need – or were they her own feelings being transferred to him.

"I'm so glad you're here." He said taking her hand. "I never realised three weeks could be such a long time."

"For me too."

His fingers circled her wrist. "I thought maybe you'd come to your senses and realise you'd made a mistake marrying me." Hs voice was thick.

"Oh never..." She placed her free hand on his face. "I was afraid you'd be thinking a similar thing. That being my husband wasn't all that wonderful."

"You're right, it's completely different to anything I imagined."

Her face dropped.

"But I wouldn't change it for anything."

She smiled and turned onto her side to face him, he let go of her wrist and dropped back down to lay next to her.

"So tell me... about these fantasies." She raised an eyebrow at him. "When exactly?"

"Oh for a long time now."

"Alright," she adopted a serious tone. "And do you really think it's appropriate to have such thoughts about your Queen."

"At the time – no. But now, yes, perfectly."

She couldn't help but smile and the sight made his heart jump and he instinctively leant forward and kissed her. Tentatively, shaking as he did it, unsure as to her response.

His lips just grazed hers, lightly, questioning. She answered by pressing her mouth against his, drawing her arm over his shoulder, her fingers tracing along his neck.

He groaned when her hips pressed against him and pulled back breathless. "Not here." He managed to whisper.

He was right, it wasn't the place to make love, the way he wanted to make love to her after all the heartache. For him it had to be perfect.

She kissed him once more gently nodding her head in agreement.

"What time is it?" She asked allowing him to reposition so she was rested against his chest.

"Still early I think."

"You think?"

"I can't hear the boys yet, so it must still be early."

"Oh I'd forgotten there are children here." She said brightly. "How wonderful."

"For the most part yes, but I'm getting old and I like my quiet now."

She laughed. "And I like my creature comforts, so, if you're in agreement I'd like to arrange for a hotel." She lifted her head to look at him.

"Of course, we need space too I think . To talk."

"Where to begin..." She whispered resting her head back down and closing her eyes listening to the persistent rainfall.

* * *

Nervously Clarisse took the steps one at a time, stopping on each one and taking a deep, calming breath. This was far worse than entering a crowded ballroom as the guest of honour, she could handle that, hell she wished she were doing that right now. Or even arguing some point with parliament, or dealing with difficult questions from the press, fending off a persistent reporter.

But no this was far worse, meeting the in-laws face to face. Face to face with a man she knew disliked her very, very much. She refused to use the word hate, he couldn't possibly hate her... yet!

With one last moment behind the door, a straighten of her shoulders, a shake of her head and a lick of her lips. She placed her hand on the door and pushed it open walking in. Her mouth suddenly felt very dry and she was struggling to put together a coherent sentence. 

She glanced around the room and suddenly Joseph was there by her side, an arm around her, his palm against the small of her back guiding her forward.

"Morning." Elisa said. "Coffee?"

Clarisse would be ever grateful for the olive branch. "Good morning. Yes, thank you." Was that her voice? It sounded so small.

"I'll make you some Tea." Joseph said, and then glanced at Elisa. "Coffee disagrees with her."

He kissed the top of her head and let go of her arm as he moved into the kitchen. She longed to follow him, to stand by his side and draw from his strength. But there she stood, rooted to the spot.

With some effort she moved to the table and sat down across from Rico. He didn't look up, stared down at his paper apparently oblivious to her presence. She wondered what was worse, sitting there in silence or the alternative – arguing with him.

She folded her hands, twisted her wedding ring round on her finger and licked her lips again.

"No engagement ring?" Elisa said, moving across the room to the table.

Startled, yet relived by the break in silence Clarisse smiled. "No, not yet. We were going to choose one together but..." She thought of the ring she'd found hidden away. "I sense Joseph had other ideas."

"He usually does."

"I usually what?" Joe asked as he entered the room and put a tray on the table.

"Have your own ideas." Elisa said. "Fresh croissants?"

"I went to the Bakery." He answered placing a pot of tea in front of Clarisse.

"Must be a special occasion." Rico said folding his paper.

"I thought so." Joe's voice was even, calm, inviting his brother to end this stubbornness. Inwardly he was in fact desperate to have his wife accepted, if only he'd speak to her, get to know the real woman not the glorified emotionless person presented to the world so incorrectly.

Clarisse took the plates from the tray and placed them around the table.

"Not for me," Rico said, addressing her personally for the first time.

He breath caught in her throat. How would she respond to this?

"Late night for me, little bit of a hangover."

"Oh." She smiled. "Well, maybe later."

Her voice sounded so polite, so well educated and she cursed herself for it. For the first time in her life she had a shattering feeling inside that she wasn't in control, that she couldn't make this all right with a click of her fingers.

To her surprise Rico didn't stare her down or belittle her.

"Believe me, there won't be any left. The boys will make short work of those." He lifted his coffee cup and emptied it.

"Are they still here?" Clarisse asked looking toward Joseph for reassurance. He sat down next to her, pressing his hand against hers beneath the table.

"School." Elisa offered taking a croissant from the plate.

"Oh I forgot."

"You'll see them later." Joe said quietly. "Chocolate I'm guessing." He placed a sticky croissant onto the plate in front of her.

She turned her face to him, still so jubilant to be next to him again. "Thank you dear." She smiled warmly, her eyes sparkling.

The moment was broken when there was a smash behind them and a scream from Elisa. "Oh damn it, sorry. Sorry... oh look at this." She fussed trying to wipe the coffee from her skirt.

"Don't worry, I got it, come on." Joe took control and led her into the kitchen. "We'll get you a towel."

Clarisse followed them with her eyes, then turned back at the sound of Rico coughing.

"That must be the fourth mug she's broken this month."

"I do hope she didn't burn herself."

"She'll be fine. Now..." He leant across the table to her. "I don't want to argue with you, I don't want us to hate each other, for Joe's sake."

Her throat tightened. "You don't like me being here do you?"

"That's hardly an option anymore, if I had a choice then no you wouldn't have come here. But now you are, and I've seen the look on Joe's face and hell let's face it you're a beautiful woman with a lot of money and some status that's hard to beat."

"Oh please I'm not here to lord over you."

Rico held up a hand. "I hadn't finished. The bottom line is Cla... what the hell do I call you anyway?"

"Clarisse is perfectly fine."

"Well then Clarisse, you're not one of us, we're not from your world, we're poles apart."

"Does that mean we can't meet somewhere in the middle?"

"I suppose, but it's not going to happen over night. It's gonna take me some time to get used to being around you. You may think it's stupid but I feel kinda dumb in your presence."

"I certainly don't think you are, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me. But I can understand why you might feel that way... the way I speak, dress, the way I might act sometimes. I don't do it purposefully, it's just the way I am."

"Is everything okay?" Joe sounded fairly stern as he strode into the room.

Clarisse turned and placed a hand on his arm. "Perfectly, yes. Is Elisa alright, not scolded?"

"She's fine."

Rico stood up. "Better check on her, probably feels a right idiot."

"You're sure everything's alright, if he said anything to you I'll..."

"Joseph please, he didn't, it's fine – I'm fine. We need to start somewhere."

He gripped her hand. "Building bridges."

She nodded. "Now, let me try this pastry and if it's as good as you all say I'll employ the baker."

Joseph shook his head as he sat down next to her, only she could get away with saying something like that and making it sound sweet.

* * *

The rain came down for the majority of the morning, Rico went out directly after breakfast, Elisa went about her usual jobs and Joe took Clarisse into the cellar. He'd been working down there, well painting to be perfectly honest. To his relief she didn't laugh at the six or so pictures he'd completed.

"I'm no Picasso." He said, feeling fairly nervous as he showed her the canvas. "But it's calming, and it kills time."

"You're getting rather good." She said noting the dates at the bottom.

"It's easy to improve when you've nothing else to do."

"Concentration..." She stopped realising what each picture was, then smiled reflecting on it. "The lake." She said. "That's where they all are."

"Yes." He moved up close behind her.

"Is that me?"

"They all are."

On one the woman was standing in the lake, submerged to her waist. In another she was bent picking something out of the sand.

"How about you, you were there too."

"Didn't seem important."

She turned to face him. "It was very important. How about a painting of you throwing me into the lake."

He laughed recalling the moment. "It was hardly throwing, merely a drop."

She replaced the canvas. "We should take these home with us."

He shrugged. "I suppose. Not going up in the gallery though."

"In my office." She said proudly indicating the one she liked the best. "This one."

"Flatterer."

She giggled. "I can be." She shivered. "It's awfully damp down here, how have you not died from the cold?"

"Plenty of whisky and insulation."

"Hmm. Let's go for a walk, show me where you grew up."

"It's still raining."

"I won't melt."

* * *

They sheltered beneath a large umbrella, Clarisse's hand tucked inside Joseph's pocket, snuggled close together as he pointed places of significance out to her. And she listened silently, taking it all in, imagining the little boy playing in the open fields. Or the young man starting to grow and dream of seeing other places. Experiencing other worlds.

"I wish I'd been here before. Shared it with you years ago."

"We were still bargaining in our relationship back then."

"Bargaining?"

"Yeah, treading carefully, not wanting to push too hard, ask for too much. Isolate you completely – at times I was just glad to be in your presence."

"Joseph..." She said tenderly.

"I know you now, really know you."

"And I you. It's comforting... to have you in my life, to have somebody who really knows me, the me I thought I'd lost."

"And in being with you I finally found the real me, a centre. Something I'd been looking for, for so many years."

"I don't intend to let it slip away." She said firmly.

"Not anymore." He stopped as they reached the end of the old cobbled streets. "Ready to go back?"

"I need some clothes Joseph, I've never worn anything for two days in a row in my life."

He couldn't help but laugh. "Oh how undignified."

"It isn't funny."

"We'll go back to the house, I'm assuming you have a car." She nodded. "Well then we'll call, go to the hotel, book a room and raid the shops for new clothes for her majesty." He circled her waist with his free arm.

"And I must get gifts for the children... my nephews?" She questioned.

"Indeed. And I'm taking you out for dinner tonight."

"You are?"

"Yes, a place I love to go to when I'm here."

"Then you have yourself a date."


	11. part 11

Part 11

It felt good to be alone with her, the restaurant he'd chosen was small and tucked away and he'd never once been there and found it busy. They could sit and talk without fear of being harassed. He chose a table by the window overlooking the ocean, light music played in the background and candlelight shone on her perfect features.

"Thank you." She smiled folding her hands together and watching as he poured the wine.

"You're very welcome. Have you decided what you'd like?"

"You choose, you know the house speciality."

"Alright." He scanned the menu and quickly decided on the food they would eat.

"Tell me, how long have you known Elisa?"

"Erm, well they've been married for about fifteen years now, I'd never met her before the wedding. I wasn't here."

"You were meeting me."

"A day I'm not likely to forget." He stopped when the waiter approached the table and placed their order. As he glanced around he could tell the other waiters were staring at them a little too inquisitively.

"We may get bombarded for autographs." He whispered across to her.

She sipped her wine and casually looked around. "Ah, I see. Are we safe?"

"I think we'll survive..." he caught the look in her eye and returned the smile.

"I think we will too." She offered reaching for his hand. "Tell me, how are you now? And I mean honestly, not skimming over things. I need to know."

"Now you're here I'm amazing. The past three weeks all I've been thinking is why did I do it? What was I thinking? And remembering the honeymoon and how perfect it was and how happy I felt. And then getting home and just... wow, this is a change."

He shrugged. "I'm not making sense."

"In a way, but you expected more from me?"

"I think I expected too much. I expected it to be like that all the time and that was too much. And I expected too much from myself – to easily slip into this new role, adapt like that." He clicked his fingers. "It's not possible."

"I never expected anything from you – you already gave me so much."

"Thank you, I don't deserve that but thank you. The bottom line is, after all that's happened recently, all the mistakes I've made."

"We've made!" She emphasised.

"Alright, we. The only thing that matters is I love you, so much I can hardly breathe at times." He rushed the words out, clinging to her hand and watching her reaction. "And I'm sorry, and I need you. I need to be with you. Now. For the rest of my life."

"I want that too, so many things I want to do with you, and places to see and things to say not because I have anything of life changing value to say but just to share everything with you. And that's my mistake - I still don't open up enough to you. I still find it a challenge to share it all."

"I can understand the why though, even if it's difficult to deal with at times. Being Mr. Clarisse Renaldi isn't easy."

"I never see you in that way."

"You may not, others might." He shrugged. "They probably do. I'm just going to have to get used to that."

"No!" Her nails dug into his skin. "No don't get used to that, you're who you are, individual, not tagged onto me. I don't want you to put up with it for the sake of..." she waved a hand vaguely searching for the right words.

"Right now I would do anything I could to keep hold of this." He ran his finger over her wedding band.

Her face softened. "As would I – hence my sudden appearance here."

"I'll forever be grateful to Mia for her little push, the second time I believe she's had a hand in my love life."

Clarisse raised an eyebrow questioningly. "_Your _love life?"

He laughed, wanted to lean forward and catch her smile in a kiss but the waiter approached their table and instead he let go of her hand – reluctantly – and leant back in his chair.

"Tiger prawns?" She mouthed across at him, she usually avoided seafood.

He nodded. "Trust me, they're gorgeous." He broke the shell and dipped the pink flesh into the small pot of sauce, beckoned her forward and fed it to her.

"See." He smiled noting her expression.

"Oh but you're always right." She teased, tempted to lick her fingertips, or his, she wasn't entirely sure which would be the better choice. "Your turn?" She returned the favour and fed him. Joseph had the feeling he could get quite used to evenings like this.

* * *

"More?" He asked holding the wine bottle up.

"I know I shouldn't but yes..." She sighed and leant forward, placing her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her folded hands.

Her head was getting heavy; if she closed her eyes for too long a spinning sensation took hold of her senses. It was surely a bad sign but it felt good nevertheless.

"Rupert had lovers Joseph, did you know that?" She blurted out.

He almost choked on his wine. "Yes, I mean, I suspected."

"He had many, over the years. It wasn't a great shock, afterall we hardly married for all that type of thing."

He felt the need to say something comforting but knew well enough by now that when she started to let go of her control and reveal details about her life it was best to remain silent. Just listen and absorb it and revel in the fact she was sharing with him.

She ran her finger along the rim of her glass gazing into the wine. "It never bothered me, not once." She shrugged. "But the thought of you just kissing another woman, sickens me."

"Clarisse I'm..."

"No, no you don't have to say that. I didn't mean it to sound like I was blaming you or... I just meant because you mean so much to me. So much more than I've ever known."

"And that's why I couldn't bear to go back with you, the guilt was too much. I took the cowards way out."

"No, you did what was best. For both of us." She took a sip of her wine allowing the liquid to numb her senses. "If we hadn't experienced this time apart I'm not sure I would understand just what it means to have you in my life. Not fully. And believe me Joseph, I won't be letting you out on your own again for some time..." She glared across the table at him but ruined the effect by breaking into a broad bright smile.

"Alright ma'am, I'm chained to your side – I think I can deal with that."

She dropped a hand to his and rubbed his fingers. "The truth of the matter is," she lowered her voice so only he could hear. "I didn't care who Rupert was screwing around with. Just as long as I didn't have to know about it in detail."

"Clarisse!" he admonished. "You must be drunk, I've seen this side of you only once before."

"Only half way there, this isn't quite up to the same standard as the Irish Cream."

"I should get you home."

"I'm telling you the truth..."

"And being honest with it." He glanced around to make sure nobody else was listening in. The restaurant was virtually empty, a group at the other side, another couple a few tables back. Nobody was paying them any unwelcome attention.

"Well now that I've got you in a revealing state of mind can I ask you something very, _very_ personal?"

"No I haven't had surgery my skin is just naturally smooth and fresh." She pronounced holding her head up for inspection.

He bit his lip as his mouth stretched into a smile. "That was hardly it. What I was going to ask was... and this may be a step too far on my part."

"Never, go on."

"Was it difficult, I mean _that_ side of things, in the marriage?"

She lowered her head, narrowing her eyes trying to understand the question. "That side, what... oh, oh I see." Suddenly she was sitting straight back in her chair again and Joseph feared he'd crossed a line.

"I'm sorry, it doesn't matter."

"No, it's fine. I mean it wasn't fine, it was – what it was. I have no wish to repeat those moments ever in my life." She folded the napkin on the table. "I'm not saying it was a wholly unpleasurable experience it just wasn't," she shrugged. "It's not what you dream of as a young girl."

She lifted her head to look him in the eye. "I didn't know when I was nineteen that it would take me many, many, _many_ years to finally fulfil those wants."

Her eyes sparkled and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable being in the restaurant. He stretched his legs out beneath the table, he should say something meaningful but as he watched her face he realised she didn't need that. She knew him well enough now, and he knew her, there was no need for him to convey some kind of sympathy – she knew how he felt.

"Should I order coffee?" He finally asked.

She shook her head. "Let's walk for a while, back to the hotel."

"Well it's stopped raining, still cold though."

"I don't mind that."

"Alright my dear, anything you wish..."

* * *

For a while they walked by the ocean, along the docks, her arm in his, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Tell me about things." She whispered into the night.

"Things?" He questioned glancing down at her face where it rested on his shoulder.

She shrugged. "Your mother, father."

"Not much to tell." He looked up at the sky, clear now after all the rainfall, the stars bright and dazzling. "I'm not sure I ever understood my mother, or am ever likely to."

"In what sense?"

"In the sense that she stayed with my father, who was a good man when he hadn't had a drink. But was a real bastard when he had."

The strength of his words startled her and she lifted her face to look at him, gripping his arm as he spoke.

"Why do you think I spent so much time with my Uncle." He added simply. "Rico loved him, I see similarities sometimes... it scares me."

"When you were here, before... before all this between us. And you said you fought with him..."

"Yes."

"Physically?"

"Yes, physically."

She inwardly winced yet hid the discomfort well, Joseph was a strong, healthy man. But Rico was almost ten years younger, a physically demanding job, the hot weather of the summer – hell he must have been twice as strong as his older brother.

She was still unsure about him, sure they'd made a start, a breakthrough you could call it. Yet deep down something remained unsettled inside about him and the way he would stare at her. In a way she could see the similarities between the two, physically built the same, Rico's muscles more pronounced though and his face clean-shaven. But he didn't have Joseph's eyes, that kindness, that depth of feeling and warmth. All that love.

"He didn't hurt me, not really, no real damage – if that's what's bothering you. I can still cut it you know." He smiled trying to alter the mood.

"I have no doubt about that."

He stopped the walk, turned her in his arms and brushed a hand down her cheek. "It's over now anyway, time to move on. With everything." He quickly added.

"I agree." She rested her forehead on his and closed her eyes taking in a deep breath of his cologne.

Her arms found their way beneath his coat and she ran her hands down his back. There was something intensely erotic about feeling his warm, firm body beneath her fingertips. That thrill of touching another human being made a thousand times more intoxicating when you loved that person.

"Are you tired?" He asked as her body swayed against his.

"Not really, too much I want to say."

"Hmm, I know what you mean. I lay awake for hours last night."

"You did?" She pulled back so she could see his face.

"Too long away from you, didn't want to miss a second."

"No more nights apart."

"No." He agreed taking a gulp of cool night air as her hands continued to move over his back.

She shivered against him.

"Too cold out here, we should get back." He wasn't thrilled about breaking that wonderful contact but it was getting very late and very cold.

As they got closer to the hotel they could hear music being played, a simple Spanish guitar. There were coloured lights hung in the trees and in the distance they could make out a small makeshift dance floor.

Clarisse was the one to halt their walk, holding Joseph back and leaning against a railing to watch as the couples danced. They stood in silence for at least two pieces of music, holding hands and standing side-by-side watching.

"Would you like to join in?" Joseph finally said.

She looked up at him. "Do you?"

"We haven't danced in a long time." He stated, letting go of her hand turning so he could look out at the dark expanse of ocean below them.

"Too long." She added turning next to him, resting her hand next to his where he held the railing.

"I remember," he laughed. "Some time ago now, you told Mia the quickest way to a Spanish heart wasthrough dance."

She smiled recalling the memory. "Yes."

"Is it still true?"

"Shouldn't I ask you that, did I win your heart with dance?"

There was a twinkle in her eye as she said it, the self-assured Clarisse he knew so well making an appearance.

"Partly, but if I'm honest dancing with you was simply a legal way of getting to touch you." His voice dropped a notch or two deeper as he said it, warm and inviting.

This time her laughter was contagious, she fell against him. There was still something intensely exhilarating about hearing her laugh so openly with him.

"I should have you whipped for insolence Sir."

"That would have been a start." He held her shaking body against him. "All those years lusting after the one thing you could never have – well it wasn't easy." He said honestly.

"I know." Suddenly serious again she held his face and kissed him, slowly, deeply. The way she'd wanted to since the previous day. "Let's go back to the hotel." Her voice was husky, her eyes held his gaze with a confident certainty.

He didn't argue, what reason was there too? He linked his arm around her and led her past the band and intimate dancing toward the hotel.

* * *

_Alright, decision time, I can either carry on fixing things grandly and it all goes smoothly etc etc. OR I can bring Rico back and have him do something nasty. Your choice readers...... _

Sorry so long in updating – been really busy at school with lesson planning, marking and badly behaved teenage boys!


	12. part 12

_Ohhh caution to those young 'uns - - cover your eyes now! It's all sex, sex, sex these days tut tut!!!! :-)_

Part 12

The dress she'd worn was inviting, too much so. It swayed as she walked, and when they'd exited the elevator and she'd moved down the corridor in front of him he felt that familiar desire rise inside him as she moved. Intoxicating, recalling the feel of her body pressed against his, the smell of her perfume and he was lost… he wanted her there and then in the corridor no matter who was passing by.

"Joseph… are you coming?" She said stopping to look at him still rooted by the elevator.

"You have no idea." He whispered in response before following her.

She waited by their door, leaning against the wall as she waited for him to catch up. Sneakily she looked further down the corridor and noting there was nobody else around she reached down and slipped her shoes off.

"New shoes are killing me." She said wearily as he swiped the card and opened the door.

He looked down at her rubbing her feet – so unqueenly, as she lifted her head she caught his eyes and he lost control. He grabbed her waist, lifted her up and swung her round carrying her into the room.

She said not one word, a slight smile on her lips the only sign of approval. In the darkness he pressed her back against the door until it clicked shut then his mouth was on hers. Heavy and probing, full of desire and need. She was moaning into his mouth almost instantaneously. It had been too long.

She dropped her shoes, wrapped her arms around his neck and opened her mouth to him, wanting this just as much as he did. His hands seemed to be everywhere, tracing a line down the side of her body then back up, circling beneath her breasts. Everything was a blur of feeling and heat. She could feel the flush rising over her chest and up her neck, and was secretly glad for the dark knowing her skin was bound to be red and blotchy.

He pulled back suddenly, breathing hard; she could feel the rise of his chest against hers. A hand on her face, touching her sticky mouth.

"Is this alright?"

"Joseph…" She admonished pressing her mouth against his, reached down and yanked his shirt free from his trousers, pushing it up eager to feel his skin.

He loosened a few buttons then threw it over his head. Her scarf and coat were abandoned and he was making short work of the buttons on her dress, pushing it down and kissing her exposed shoulders.

Her head was spinning, surely they couldn't do it here, against the door… oh but it felt so good, so right. She didn't care where it was.

His fingers were circling the top of her stockings, his mouth on her neck and she heard her own voice urging him on. Was that really her? Did she really sound like that?

Heady and so deep in the moment Joseph hardly knew where he was, only that he was with her and this love was engulfing each one of his senses and turning him inside out. He felt almost weightless and drifting as he lifted her body up and held her firm against him. No this wasn't right, not here, he wanted soft pillows and to be slow and careful in each move.

Somehow he tore his mouth from hers, detached himself from her body and trailed a hand along the wall until he found the light switch. Thank god it was a dimmer switch otherwise he would have blinded them both.

At first Clarisse looked rather embarrassed, but then she relaxed and smiled. He looked the same as her, tousled hair and half dressed. Enthralled, enraptured in the moment. Somehow the restaurant seemed a million miles away, dinner and talk and dancing and Rico and Elisa and the monarchy and Genovia – it was all part of a different world. It held no interest now. This was eternity, this was the reason for everything she'd ever felt or thought or done. Every second of life came down to this, being with him.

She stepped forward and held out her hand.

"Too old for standing up." She said flatly and it made him laugh.

"People might think that." He responded taking her hand.

"We could prove them wrong."

"I think I'd rather find out what our bedroom is like."

She nodded and led him across the lounge, through the large white doors into the dining room and then across to the master bedroom. He closed the doors behind them and watched from there as she switched on a lamp and removed her dress completely, slid her stockings down her legs and then stopped staring at him open mouthed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, absolutely nothing…" he moved towards her. "I'm just the luckiest man alive."

"Don't forget that." She teased stepping back from him and falling down onto the bed.

Smiling he lifted the sheets from beneath her and helped her slide beneath them.

"Comfy bed, better than last night." She settled back against the pillows watching intently as he removed the rest of his clothes.

"Self-indulgence." He quipped.

"Exactly." She smiled holding a hand out to him.

* * *

With her eyes closed and her head still reeling it felt like bliss, his mouth on her neck, his hands… god what were his hands doing? Engulfed in the moment that seemed to go on and on, a flowing of emotion from one to another. Time passed, in the outside world people were living and breathing but it didn't matter. The centre was right there, in that room.

Delectable kisses adorned her chest, whispered words and promises of forever. Until his hands were in her hair, his eyes on her face and she lazily opened her own eyes to see him.

"I still can't believe…" he swallowed, his heart thumping, blood rushing. "That I'm allowed to touch you."

She smiled, drawing her arm from his back and tracing her fingers along his arm to his shoulder noting how he still shivered under her touch.

"What did I do to deserve this?" His voice was so raw with emotion she almost cried then and there.

"I ask myself the same thing." She murmured, her voice raspy.

He brought his mouth down to hers again before shifting his weight to one side and wrapping her flushed body against his.

In the silence the monotonous sound of his heartbeat thudded in her ear, she stroked his arm that lay over her. She wasn't tired, almost 3 in the morning and she wasn't tired. A thousand thoughts rushed through her brain, a million questions and pledges and declarations to be made.

She stared across the room, through the black unfamiliar layout to the light that shone beneath the door. They'd left the light on in the other room; if she had any kind of pull she would have moved and turned it off. But no, nothing would move her from that position.

"Joseph…" She whispered.

"Mmm."

"I didn't know if you were sleeping."

"I'm thinking… dreaming."

"Me too." She continued to stroke his arm mulling things over. "Talk to me."

He smiled, leant forward and kissed the back of her neck. "About what my love?"

"How you're feeling?"

"Right now – you even have to ask." He pressed her stomach with his hand. "Like I found heaven, and after everything that happened…"

He stopped at her sharp intake of breath.

"Not the conversation you wanted."

"I'm scared of what you might say."

"I'm terrified of what you remember." He added softly. "The things I said."

"That I'm cold, stoic and unfeeling."

"And I sound so cliché to say 'I didn't mean it'. But I don't, I mean, I know you aren't."

She laughed taking in their current position.

"Alright, perhaps the wrong time to discuss this particular point." Her body shook against him as she laughed.

"I'll admit to it though, I build these defences. I use this make-up to hide how I'm feeling because in the end… in the end the people don't want to see a weak Queen who can't take the pressure."

She smiled, turning onto her back and resting her arms flat against the sheets. "I guess I've created the role of being a bit of an old dragon, over the years. Any daughter-in-laws worst nightmare."

His hand reached down and folded with hers.

"How did you see through that? I mean initially. How did you know there could be more?"

"Is more, no could about it. There is more, you are more, I can't even find words…"

He was silenced by her mouth meeting his. "If it wasn't for you I would have remained that lonely woman, sleeping in a bed far too big for one. I'd lost hope that I'd find this, that there would be somebody for me, just me. So no more guilt over anything said in London."

"You threw a vase at me."

She smiled, dropping her head and shaking it. She leant over his body her fingers folding with his as she rested against him. "I rather enjoyed that, I may just do it again at some point in the future."

"Oh good, could you warn me first."

"That would ruin the affect somewhat don't you think." She'd moved above him now. "Besides I'd never done it before, it must be some kind of passion thing."

"Then in a way I should be… flattered?"

"Yes I suppose you should." She whispered dropping her mouth to his chest.

His eyes closed instinctively at the sensation, feeling her smooth legs pressing against his, her body warm and almost melodious as she touched him.

"I thought as you got older this type of thing was less likely to happen." He whispered into her hair.

He felt her smile against his skin. "I thought I'd reached an age where making love was out of the question, in any way shape or form." She lifted her face to his. "Certainly not like this."

"It's getting late you know."

"I have no plans for tomorrow." She smiled brightly; he hadn't seen her so relaxed in a long time.

"I do."

"Hmm?"

"It involves me."

"Yes."

"You."

She grinned. "Yes."

"And a hotel room."

"I think I like your plan."

"You do, think you'll stick with it."

"I think so, you've never let me down before."

"Only once, never again."

* * *

"I cried the first time we made love."

"I know."

She smiled and rubbed his hand. "Of course you do. Why didn't you ever say anything…"

"Because," he sighed. "Because I didn't want to embarrass you or ruin the moment or lose that feeling… I don't know, should I have?"

"No, it was perfect as it was."

She slipped onto her back folding her hands on top of the sheets. "I'd never felt like that before, never been loved like this before." Slightly embarrassed she turned her head.

"If it's any consolation I've never loved like this before either."

The smile on his face melted her heart and she swung over to hug him, groaning against his shoulder. "Ohh Joseph I'm hungry."

"Hungry?" he laughed incredulously. "It's almost 4:30."

She pulled her head back to look into his eyes. "But I am still royal."

Less than twenty minutes later they sat in front of the large fire in the main room drinking Hot Chocolate and Clarisse happily munching on Florentines.

"I guess there are some advantages to your role." He said happily laying back on the couch.

"Mmm, many. I thought you knew that by now." She sat on the same couch, pulled her legs up and rested them on his body wiggling her toes and smiling. He sighed and pulled himself up, taking hold of her foot and rubbing it.

"You could hire somebody to do this."

"Oh but they wouldn't have hands as skilled as yours." She said assuredly.

He accepted the compliment and settled back lazily rubbing her foot.

"It's late." She said closing her eyes.

"Morning really."

"Tell me, what do you see our future as being?"

"Wow that's a tough question for so early in the morning." He glanced over at her face, relaxed, falling to sleep probably.

"Tell me…" She whispered.

"I'm not foolish enough to say from now on it will be plain sailing."

"Oh that would be too easy." She laughed.

"I told you before I want to travel with you, I want to just enjoy your company and however long we have together just, just be us and not this… not part of all this regal lifestyle all the time. Not everyday on duty."

She shifted on the couch, lifted her foot from his hand and replaced it with her other.

"Relinquishing duty…" she sighed. "Isn't as straightforward as I thought it might be. But I guess I have to realise that, despite our activities tonight, I'm old."

He chuckled. "Don't say that, it makes me old too."

"Hmm," she shifted again, it wasn't exactly comfortable lying there. "I want that too, you must know that. It just takes me a while to get there… which I guess you know after waiting so many years to be with me."

He laughed again. "Oh but the wait was worth it. I'd do it all over again." He squeezed her foot and sat up looking down at her. "Shall we go to bed?"

She smiled slightly. "Again?"

"Can you manage the walk?" He leant forward brushing her hair.

"Mmm."

"I think not then." He untangled himself from her and stood up, sliding a hand beneath her legs. She turned towards him and reached up to grip his shoulders allowing him to carry her to bed.

"I still have questions." She whispered barely awake.

"Tomorrow…"


	13. Part 13

_The look on your face is delicate..._

Part 13

Joseph woke feeling better than he had in months, exhausted yes, but oh so good. He stretched his body, grimaced slightly at the ache in his joints; his body wasn't quite prepared to get out of bed just yet. His arm felt numb and when he looked across he saw why, Clarisse's head was resting against it, still fast asleep. Gently he lifted her head and removed his arm, rubbing it to circulate the blood flow.

The room was bright, the morning light flooded in allowing him to take a good look around, something that had seemed of little interest the night before. It wasn't overly extravagant, grand yes but none of the splendour and flourishes the hotel rooms that Clarisse inhabited usually had.

Clarisse moaned next to him, nudging his body with her own and wrapping a leg over his. He pulled the sheets up around them both, turning slightly so they were in a more comfortable position. She buried her face in his neck, kissing him very lightly.

He closed his eyes, taking in each smell, each sensation, not wanting to forget a single moment of it. The weight of her leg pressed over his, her hand resting on his chest, moving down his chest, tickling his stomach, stopping on a hip, then down again and oh….. oh all rational thought was gone.

Somehow he twisted his head enough to accept her kiss, delving inside her mouth and almost writhing against her hand. Her other arm reached over his body and encouraged him to turn onto his side so he was facing her. He gripped her back and held her to him, there were no words it was fluent and immediate and natural. They made love as the mid-morning sunlight crept beneath the door.

* * *

"I was thinking." 

"Yes."

"I was thinking perhaps we could invite Rico and Elisa here for dinner tonight."

"I was enjoying having you all to myself." He wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissed the back of her neck to emphasise his point.

"You've had me all to yourself for almost two days."

"Don't want to share." He pouted.

"Baby." She turned in his arms and kissed his mouth. "Would they accept?"

"Hopefully, we seem to be making progress."

"Good, will you call them?"

"Maybe you should."

She smiled. "Alright, I am a trained diplomat."

"I know."

* * *

Clarisse stared at herself in the mirror and smoothed down her skirt again. She didn't like to admit it to herself, in fact she hated to, but she was nervous. 

"Well how do I look?"

"As good as you did in the last four outfits."

With hands on hips she turned to face Joseph who was sprawled on the bed watching her.

"Don't be flippant, I'm a little apprehensive."

"Don't be, they'll be terrified having dinner at a place like this. As far as they're concerned you're the boss."

She leant forward and snatched her scarf from his hands. "That's the problem, I don't want them to see me that way… and don't ruffle this scarf it's an original."

He laughed and stood up gripping her arms from behind and kissing her cheek. "Like you. Relax, it will be fine."

She sighed and turned back to the mirror. A pale blue skirt that swayed when she walked and a simple silk camisole top, a delicate cardigan and her scarf. She didn't look over the top in that did she?

"Clarisse, we don't want to be late down."

"Oh alright, alright, I'm ready." She turned to face him, ready to glare but she stopped when she saw something dangling from his hand and sparkling in the lamplight.

"Thought it went with the outfit." He said nonchantly.

"Oh Joseph…" Instantly forgiving she walked towards him and accepted the jewel he held out for her. A long silver chain, a bold diamond surrounded by tiny blue stones.

"When did you have the time?"

"Earlier today, when you were relaxing in the bath."

"Oh." She kissed his cheek. "Thank you, you don't have to buy me gifts."

"I like to." He took the chain from her and she turned ready for him to fasten it.

She fiddled with the jewel centring it at the base of her neck. "It will go perfectly with my…"

"With your what?"

"This outfit, it goes perfectly with this outfit." She turned quickly and smiled. "We should go."

* * *

Clarisse turned the napkin over again and glanced quickly at Joseph. 

"What time is it now?"

"About five minutes since you last asked."

"You're not helping."

He reached across and placed a hand on hers. "Relax."

"I am trying."

He looked up suddenly. "They're here." He squeezed her fingers then stood up to welcome the guests, she followed suit and reached her hand across to Rico.

"So nice to see you again." She smiled her brightest most convincing smile.

He took her hand, lifted it and kissed it. "And you."

She shared the moment of recognition, meeting his eyes and attempting to read his emotions, trying to establish whether he was being sincere.

"Clarisse." A hand slipped onto her waist and she found herself being turned around and brought into a hug, something she wasn't entirely used to.

"Oh…" she grimaced slightly at the contact, over the years she'd perfected the art of the polite handshake but not a personal hug.

"Elisa, you look beautiful."

"Thank you, nothing compared to your outfit though."

"Oh." And she'd tried so hard not to appear overdressed.

"She only changed four times." Joseph said and she mentally reminded herself to kick him under the table at some point during the evening.

Clarisse turned to move her chair and when she turned back she found Elisa was sitting next to Joseph and she was left next to Rico, casting her husband a worried expression she sat down.

"Right let's order, I'm starving." Rico said opening the menu.

Clarisse folded her hands beneath her chin; she'd already decided what to eat.

"Red or white wine Clarisse?" Elisa said watching her closely.

"Oh I thought we might have Champagne… seeing as it's our first real dinner date together." She looked to Joseph.

"Wonderful idea." He closed his menu.

"I haven't had Champagne in the longest time." Elisa said staring down at her menu.

It hadn't occurred to Clarisse that it might be some rare treat for the lady; perhaps she'd succeeded in making her feel uncomfortable already.

A waiter approached the table and stood next to Clarisse bowing his head. "Good evening your Majesty."

She looked up to him and smiled not even registering the raised eyebrows across the table between Elisa and Rico.

"Claude, how are you this evening?"

"Very well ma'am thank you."

"Good, busy I see." She gestured around the room.

"Yes ma'am."

"Well I think we're ready to order. I know I am." She looked to the others.

"Go ahead." Joseph smiled warmly at her.

"Well I'll have the House Speciality for the evening please Claude."

"As always an excellent choice your Majesty."

"As will I." Joseph added.

Elisa glanced down the menu quickly.

"I can highly recommend it dear." Clarisse said leaning toward the woman.

"Oh, alright, then so will I." She said, Clarisse couldn't help but note how very nervous she looked, that wasn't her intention at all.

With the orders over and the Champagne poured Rico settled back in his chair fully prepared to enjoy every decadent moment of the evening. Hey if his big brother was lucky enough to marry royal then he certainly wasn't going to persist in turning down the perks that came with it. Might aswell enjoy the lifestyle, for one night anyway.

"So tell me about your boys." Clarisse said taking a sip from her glass.

"Oh they're loud and unruly."

"I remember when Pierre and Philippe were that age." She smiled warmly, an image of the pair of them rolling around on the grass appearing in her mind.

Elisa laughed. "And are they still so unruly and loud, tell me it ends at some point."

Clarisse's face dropped and Joseph instantly reached across for her hand squeezing her fingers.

"Philippe died, several years ago now, in an accident." She almost whispered, a wealth of time may have passed but the loss was still raw.

"Oh god I'm so sorry." Elisa fumbled for words feeling her face redden.

Rico shook his head and raised his eyes to the ceiling.

"I knew that, I forgot I'm sorry. Honestly I'm so sorry, you never think – I mean you see it on the news and you just never think…" She was shaking, she was making it worse.

"It's alright," Clarisse politely smiled and dropped her napkin to the table as she stood up. "Really it's fine. Must powder my nose."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"It's fine." She placed a hand on Joseph's shoulder as she passed him. "I'm sure there are enough waiters watching my every step."

Elisa watched her walk away then dropped her head to the table groaning.

"Well girl you certainly screwed that one up." Rico said chuckling.

"It's not funny you heartless bastard." Elisa snapped lifting her head.

"Hey you two come on – not here." Joseph warned. "You're doing fine, just relax, really she's just as nervous. Seeking your approval."

Elisa glared at him raising an eyebrow. "Come on."

"I'm telling you the truth, she wants you to like her for being Clarisse, not her Majesty. Try." He looked toward Rico. "For my benefit."

* * *

The evening passed pleasantly enough without further embarrassment, though Clarisse had to give up with her lobster mid-way through. Seafood had never really agreed with her anyhow and the thought of pulling the poor creature to bits put a bit of a dampener on enjoying the taste. 

Later they invited Elisa and Rico to stay in their suite, it was late and the boys were with a neighbour so it seemed silly not to continue the evening.

By the fire the couples sat enjoying after dinner coffee and liquors.

"You're sure you don't want one of these?" Joseph smiled knowingly.

"Very funny, but the answer is still no, you know what it does to me."

"Do tell." Rico smiled leaning forward and refilling his brandy glass.

"Private moment." Joseph leant back in his chair, avoiding eye contact with anyone as the memory flashed through his mind.

"I bet the view from here is spectacular." Elisa said gazing about the extravagant room.

"It is rather beautiful. Would you like to see?" Clarisse sat her cup down and got up from the couch.

"Oh great!" The younger woman eagerly jumped up, she'd had one too many glasses of wine over dinner and a brandy on top of that and now she was feeling the benefits.

"I'll get you a coat to wear, I'm not sure the night air will be forgiving." Clarisse disappeared out of the room then returned with two coats.

Trying not to appear impressed Elisa felt the weight of it and rubbed the plush material with her fingertips before sliding it on over her dress.

"If you'll excuse us gentlemen. Shall we?" Clarisse led her out onto the balcony leaving Rico and Joseph alone.

"So, must have been some make-up, you're practically glowing." Rico teased once again pouring himself another drink.

Joe shook his head. "It was what it was."

"Oh come on, you disappear together and we don't hear from you for almost two days, now _that's_ what I call a make-up."

Joe laughed. "And it's private."

"But it was good?"

"Of course."

"Ha! I knew it, I bet she can't get enough, an arranged marriage and all that."

"Rico, that's my wife." Joe's voice was still level but he'd adopted a harder tone.

"Joking! Come on."

"Perhaps you've had one too many."

"Showing an interest in my brother's life, that's all. She is gorgeous though, for an older woman."

"Rico! That's enough, don't make me strangle you."

"Alright, change of topic. Your fruitful marriage, mine fading away."

Joe couldn't help but notice the tinge of sadness in his brother's voice. "Problems?"

Rico shrugged. "Nothing new, same old, too busy, the kids, attraction's gone."

"You married awfully young."

"I know, Mama always said I'd regret it."

"Elisa is a wonderful woman Rico, you must love her."

"She thinks highly of you, must be the suits."

Joe shook his head and poured himself a small drink. "She must think highly of you, she' managed to put up with you all these years."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

They were silent for a few moments, gazing at the fire considering the women in their lives.

"So." Rico said looking up at his older brother.

"So?"

"I'm not going to get any of the finer details about her highness."

"Never."

"Fair enough." He shrugged. "Fine though."

"Yes she is." Joe said proudly.

* * *

"I can't imagine it." Elisa said wistfully, leaning on the wall and looking over the edge. 

"Imagine what my dear?" Clarisse stood slightly behind her, enjoying the view of the clear night sky.

"Having all this." She spread her arms out in front of her. "Having all this in front of me. You have so much Clarisse."

"I know, my life has been blessed in so many ways. But really don't take it all at face value, it's not all glory."

Elisa turned to her. "In what way?"

Clarisse walked past her, unfolded her hands and rested them on the wall. "You can get very lonely at times. Love and friendship can seem elusive, the normal things people have."

"But Joe?"

"Yes Joseph," she shook her head and glanced sideways at Elisa. "You know I have been in love with him for years, years and years. Yet I could never admit it to myself, was never brave enough. It was forbidden you see."

"Then what made you change your mind?"

"The thought of losing him forever, and never knowing." She shrugged. "Never knowing what it would be like to love and have the love returned. I didn't want to grow horribly old alone." She smiled.

"And you, you've been married a long time now."

"Oh don't remind me, please. I look at you and I think what the hell am I doing?"

"Elisa…" Clarisse's voice was full of concern as she watched her lean over the edge and look down at the drop.

"I have nothing, not really, my husband cheats on me all the time, and you speak of love and I'm not sure I even know what that is."

"Your boys?"

"Yes, I love them, sometimes my only reason for staying."

Clarisse stiffened as she realised the strange similarities between the two of them.

"You don't have to stay, if you're that unhappy, I don't claim to know all about these situations but surely you have some right to keeping the boys with you."

"Oh I'm sure, but sometimes I just wonder about being free." She snapped her head up quickly. "You abandoned Joe because he kissed another woman, do you realise how many of my so-called friends Rico has fucked! And you leave over a kiss."

Clarisse stepped back alarmed at the sudden outburst, she caught her breath attempting to frame a response.

"I'd never let Joe go, he's too much of a catch." Elisa said gently, staring out at the view then shivering.

She was lost in her own thoughts and for a while seemed to have forgotten Clarisse was even standing there watching her.

Finally she looked up to her and smiled. "I'm sorry, I'm tired and I've drunk too much." She ran a hand through her long hair. "My head's spinning."

"Would you like me to show you to your room." Clarisse's voice was weak, guarded.

"I'm sure I'll find it." She walked past her, just catching her elbow as she did.

"Oh your coat." She unbuttoned the top two buttons.

"Keep it." Clarisse said turning from her and moving across the balcony.

"Thank you."

Alone with the cool night air surrounding her Clarisse closed her eyes and felt herself swaying with the breeze. Traffic rushed by beneath her, she could make out each sound, could hear the music coming from downstairs in the ballroom, the sound of people leaving and bidding their friends goodnight. She wondered what exactly had just transpired and whether or not this woman was as trustworthy as she had initially thought.

"Darling, are you alright?" Joseph's hands slid around her waist, pulling her body into his.

He kissed her cheek. "You're frozen, do you want to come inside?"

"In a moment, just enjoying being solitary."

"Oh, do you want me to leave you?"

She gripped his hand with hers, his fingers were warm. "Never."

"Did something happen out here?"

"Strange, I'm not really sure. Elisa is deeply unhappy, did you know that?"

"Yes."

She twisted her head slightly to take in his expression. "Did she tell you?"

"No, I've known her a long time, I could read it."

"How perceptive of you." Her response was harsher than she meant it to be.

She turned fully in his arms and looked into his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay." He brushed a hand down her face.

"I do love you Joseph."

"I know that." He smiled and kissed her mouth gently then her forehead.

She stared into his eyes for a second then gripped his body and pulled his mouth to hers in a long, passionate kiss before dropping her head to his chest.

"I wish I knew how to help her." Clarisse whispered.

Joseph rubbed her back, slightly confused by her actions but it was late and they'd had a long day, she was probably just tired.

"Shall we go to bed?"

"Have they?"

"Yes."

"Then yes, let's." She took his hand and followed him back into the lounge, noting the half empty bottle of Brandy on the coffee table and Elisa's abandoned shoes by the couch.

She went to the table and poured a small amount of the dark silky liquid into the only clean glass and sipped it. As she turned to watch Joseph lock the doors she noticed the coat she'd given Elisa thrown over a chair.

* * *

Clarisse sat up with a start, her heart beating fast, her mind swimming and her mouth dry. 

"They woke you too." Joseph said placing a hand on her arm.

She took a few deep breaths attempting to comprehend his meaning, and then she heard it, raised voices in the other room. The walls were thick and the other bedroom was at the other side of the other suite so it must have been loud.

She heard Elisa scream something and turned to look down at Joseph, worried.

"We shouldn't interfere, not yet."

He bid her to lie back down and brought her body close to his.

"If it gets any worse I'll go through, perhaps they need to sort it out between the pair of them."

She nodded, unsure of whether or not her voice would actually work.

He kissed her head. "Try to sleep sweetheart." His voice was gentle and soothing and she closed her eyes trying to block out the sound of the argument taking place in the other room.

* * *

_Hi everybody! A side-note i know but a question that has been bothering me & i wondered what the rest of you thought... granted Joe & Clarisse could have been 'attracted' to each other for many years, possibly whilst her husband was still alive. In that situation would she ever pursue a physical relationship with the man? I have a problem believing she would sleep with Joe just because of how she is, especially in first movie. But i was interested in what the rest of you thought. _

Hope you enjoyed this chapter!!


	14. part 14

Part 14

Clarisse woke late to a cold empty bed. She turned towards where Joseph should have been and pulled the sheets tight around her body, willing her mind to return to the dreamlike state and not force her to face reality just yet.

But once she was awake that was that, frustrated she turned onto her back and stared up at the decorative ceiling. She couldn't hear any conversations going on in the other room; perhaps Elisa and Rico had already left. A part of her hoped to god they had, she couldn't face looking them in the eye after listening to them argue for most of the night. Add to this Elisa's strange behaviour the night before and her general feeling of being uncomfortable in Rico's presence and she was pretty much left a little lost.

Reluctantly she reached for her dressing gown and climbed out of bed, perhaps a long shower would clear her mind ready to start a new day afresh.

She had just turned the tap on in the bathroom and was staring at her face in the mirror when Joseph came up behind her.

"Morning." He kissed her cheek but as she watched him she knew something was wrong.

"What's happened?"

He sighed wearily leaning forward and turning the tap off before the basin overflowed. "Elisa's gone missing, stormed out about 4:30 this morning."

"Oh. Not at home?"

A drained look crossed his features as he stared at her. "I did already think to try there."

She raised an eyebrow in response but kept calm. "Alright."

"Sorry, just…" he looked down at the floor. "Rico is driving me crazy."

She smiled, leant forward and slid her arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug.

Caught off guard at first he soon relaxed in her warm embrace and closed his eyes.

"We'll find her, everything will be fine."

"I think she's left him."

Clarisse lifted her face to his. "Perhaps it's for the best."

"Perhaps it is." He said solemnly. "But I must find her, I need to know she's safe before we leave."

It was the first time he'd even mentioned them returning 'home' together, as much as she enjoyed Spain she longed to return to her Genovia and resume her part in Christmas celebrations. She allowed herself a smile and kissed his mouth.

"I'll help, let me change."

"No you stay here, in case she returns." He rested his hands on her shoulders. "Take a shower, have some breakfast, read the papers…"

"Yes sir. In that order?"

He smiled. "In that order."

_((Change scene))_

Joseph left less that ten minutes later with a few hastily scribbled addresses from Rico, possible friends or distant relatives she might have gone to.

Part of Clarisse felt a little selfish and wished the pair of them would disappear and sort their own problems out; it wasn't as if she and Joseph didn't have enough of their own to conquer.

Deciding to kill some time she opted for a bubble bath and a little reading while she soaked, it seemed an age since she'd relaxed with a good book. Later that afternoon she planned to call Charlotte and arrange a flight home, Christmas was coming all too quickly and she longed for these days of mixed emotions and unsettled aura to be over. To be home with her granddaughter, with her friends, comfortable in her surroundings. Enjoying her first real Christmas with her husband, open in her feelings for him, she giggled to herself at the thought of kissing him beneath the mistletoe in front of guests. No guilt, no need to hide away anymore. The anticipation was overwhelming. She closed her eyes and leant her head back allowing the silky water to caress her neck, a smile on her face.

_((Change scene))_

Joseph drove around for what seemed like hours, up and down streets, calls back and forth to Clarisse and the list of names Rico had given him. Given the state of his sister-in-law and her rather erratic behaviour the night before he was terrified she might have done something completely irrational.

For the fifth time that morning he parked the car outside Rico's home and using the spare key let himself into the house, only this time he found shoes abandoned by the door and a light on in the upstairs hallway.

"Elisa…" He hastily called as he made his way up the stairs. "Eli it's Joe."

"I'm changing, I'll be right down." She answered sounding rather calm and composed.

"Alright." He stopped, turned back down the stairs and went to put a pot of coffee on.

"Sorry if I scared you." Elisa said as she entered the room, her hair was wet and she rubbed at it with a towel.

"You should have called, I didn't know what to think. Rico had no idea where you were…"

"He wouldn't care anyway."

Joe shook his head. "Clarisse said you seemed… upset last night."

She glared at him. "Gossiping about me."

"Why would you think that?"

She shrugged, pushed past him and sat down on the high stool at the table.

"We care about you, about both of you." He sat next to her. "You've been such a comfort to me Elisa these last few weeks, everything being so… so up-in-the-air with Clarisse and I."

"I told her you know."

"Told her what?"

"That she was fool to let you go, that she shouldn't have been so stupid to let a little kiss break you apart."

"It wasn't just that." He said sharply but she hardly noticed.

"What's a kiss anyway, nothing, in the end."

She looked up at him. "It meant nothing to you."

He stared at her trying to figure out her meaning.

"Oh come on Joe, it wasn't that long ago, or maybe it was… I forget."

The realisation hit and he stood from his chair moving across the kitchen. "We agreed never to talk about it, it was nine years ago for goodness sake."

"It doesn't mean I forget."

"A drunken kiss at a party hardly means love and eternity."

"No because you were already wrapped up in her glorified highness who never gave you anything but a passing glance, a tease, so what do you do – you use other women to satisfy that need."

For the first time in his life he felt the urge to hit a woman, he forced it back, pushed the anger down into his stomach and let it melt there.

"You knew then and you know now I've always loved her, it's always been her. We were drunk and it was a small meaningless kiss and we never spoke about it again… I don't understand why the hell you have to bring this up now!" He was shouting watching her calm, impassive face showing no reaction at all to his words.

"For gods sake I'm trying to help save your marriage."

"Oh let it rot in hell, he already knows it's over, he already knows I'm leaving him."

"What?"

"I told him before I left the hotel, that it was over. Your wonderful wife convinced me enough was enough."

"Clarisse… when?" She's never told him about that, as far as he knew Clarisse had listened to Elisa's woes on that balcony not given her marital advice.

"I told him so too, everything's changing for poor little Rico, his brother marries a royal and that self same woman causes his own wife to leave him."

"Why would Rico let me spend hours searching for you when he knew exactly what you'd planned?"

Elisa shrugged. "Who cares? Let him be." She jumped down from her seat and poured herself a coffee.

"I didn't realise how selfish you'd become." He stepped up close behind her his voice dropping low and dripping with anger. "If anything happens to her it's because of you."

She whirled round forcing a smile. "He wouldn't actually do anything, he's not that idiotic…"

Her voice faded as she watched his eyes darken.

He turned from her and almost ran from the house, jumping in the car and racing back towards the hotel.

_((Change scene))_

Clarisse was feeling lazy and leisurely; she soaked her body for well over an hour in the grand bathtub. Then took her time covering each inch of her skin with luxurious cream, slipping on her simple white lacy underwear and a silk slip then a fluffy dressing gown. She only wished Joseph was there to share in the moment.

Finally she left the bedroom and made her way into the lounge, collecting a pile of letters from the table in the hallway along with the day's papers and glancing at them as she made her way to the fireplace.

"I wondered when you'd show your face."

Clarisse spun round dropping the letters to the floor.

"Rico, I didn't know you were here, I um thought you left with Joseph." She slowly bent to the floor attempting to scoop up the letters.

"Sorry to disappoint you, thought I'd hang around for a little chat with you."

"Oh?" She looked up questioningly watching as he sat on the couch.

"You see, the way I figure things, it could be a straight swap."

"Excuse me?" She rose tightening the belt on her robe as she did so.

"Well now Elisa has left me – on your advice – and Joe has gone running after her, after their little dalliance, all that's left is you and I. Do you see?"

She ignored the comment on Joe and Elisa, choosing to let it slide than argue the point with him.

"I'm not sure what Elisa has told you but there has been no advice from me that involved her leaving you."

"Oh really, well you would say that wouldn't you." He tapped the cushion next to him. "Why don't you sit down."

"I'd prefer it if you left actually Rico."

She suddenly felt very ill at the thought that this man had been right here in the apartment whilst she had laid in the bath relaxing. Anything could have happened.

"I said sit down." His voice wasn't loud, just stern.

She'd had many arguments with Rupert over the years she wasn't about to fold so easily. "And I said get out."

She stepped back from him, around the back of the couch and then quickly moved across the room out of the lounge and into the dining area.

A door slammed behind her and she turned sharply.

"I knew it would bring trouble, him marrying somebody like you. You people are all the same thinking you can do what you like, hurt who you like, screw over who the hell you like."

Lost for words and suddenly realising how much she was shaking Clarisse stepped backwards and felt the cool surface of the door behind her. Her trembling hand reached for the handle but Rico was much younger than her and was in front of her instantaneously, reaching around her, taking her hands and bringing them around the front of her body.

His face softened as he kissed her fingers gently, too gently, it unnerved her. She pulled from his grasp, and dropped her hands to her side standing tall in front of him.

"Look Rico, I'm not sure what's happening here…"

"And I thought you were supposed to be bright, it's a fairly simple concept to grasp try and keep up. You see my dear brother, your new husband, well it seems he likes to play around. I don't know Clarisse first that barmaid now my wife."

She slapped him hard sliding out from where he held her against the door and heading back towards the lounge, if she could get in there at least she could lock the door and call for help.

But he caught her by the table, gripped her upper arm and twisted it behind her. Through reflex she screamed at the pain, he knew he was hurting her and gripped tighter bending her backwards over the table.

"So my thinking was if he can have mine then I can have his."

She squirmed beneath him, but it was to no avail he was an incredibly strong man, taller than Joseph, more physically intimidating.

"And royal too."

Before his mouth could claim hers she suddenly felt a rush of cold air and the weight lift. It took a second for the haze in front of her eyes to clear and se fumbled with her clothing attempting to cover her bare flesh.

It wasn't until she sat up that she finally realised Joseph had knocked his brother to the floor and was pounding his fists into the younger man. Rico was younger and physically in better shape than Joseph but there was no way he was getting the upper hand in this fight.

Clarisse had witnessed her former bodyguard's ire a scarce number of times over the years, only twice had she actually witnessed him in hand to hand confrontation and never, never, had she seen this temper.

"Stop," her voice was weak as she jumped down from the table. She coughed. "Stop it, Joe, please."

He didn't hear her, or was ignoring her. Either way his assault continued.

"Joe please, nothing happened, he didn't do anything. He thinks you… Joe!" Rico's body was becoming limp as his resistance, and energy levels, failed.

"Oh let him finish him off."

Clarisse turned at the sound of the woman's voice.

"You caused this!" Clarisse shouted, she never shouted, she never raised her voice. Her anger was always controlled, channelled, but right then she felt the urge to lunge at that woman and make her see sense.

"Me!! You caused this, you caused all of it."

Clarisse heard Joe's muffled voice saying something and looked down to see Rico's hand covering his brother's mouth.

"Oh god, this is ridiculous, you're killing each other. Joseph… JOSEPH!"

Finally her husband's tirade stopped and he looked up into Clarisse's eyes, full of fear, her face pale and devastated.

"Is this what's its come to?" She whispered only to him.

He looked down at his brother, over to Elisa then back to his wife and gradually stood up. His legs shook a little and Clarisse caught his arm and led him to a chair.

"Get out, both of you. As far as I'm concerned I have no family." His voice was pained. Empty.

"Joseph…" She said gently, sure at some point he would regret that.

"Surely you can't blame me." Elisa said looking down at her broken husband. "None of you can."

Joseph had no more words; he almost fell into the chair gripping onto Clarisse's delicate hand as his eyes closed trying to erase the scene before him.

_((Change scene))_

Joseph sat in front of the basin and stared down into the water, the steam rose and caressed his face, coating him in a sheen of moisture.

"This will probably sting, are you sure I shouldn't call for first aid?" Clarisse's voice was soft but clear, organised, taking charge of the situation. He needed that right now.

He shook his head, he didn't want anybody to know about this it was hard enough she had been part of it.

"Well I'm not saying I'm going to be any good at it, never could really deal with blood and that kind of thing…"

She lifted one of his battered hands and placed it in the water. He flinched at the contact, then bit down on his bottom lip and plunged his hand into the water.

Clarisse leant over him and bathed his cuts, wiped away the blood and gently soothed his aching fingers.

Soon both hands were clean and she refilled the basin with fresh water and a little oil so he could rest for a few minutes and allow the water to ease his aches and pains.

Slowly she rubbed his fingers, neither had spoken as she completed her task but now Joseph watched her face, still so pale but that fear was gone.

He turned his gaze to where her hands rested on his in the basin, in the water his fingers came to life and reached for hers. He felt the ring on her finger; the plain gold band that she now wore so proudly, and carefully turned it on her finger.

She turned her face to his, bent down so they were level and leant forward kissing his cheek.

He sighed deeply, exhausted. "I'm sorry I brought you into all this."

"I don't blame you."

"I never slept with her, whatever you've been told…"

"I know, I never doubted it." She kissed him again, longer this time reassuring him of her trust with her touch.

"I think it's about time I took you home Joseph."

"Everything that's happened… this year was supposed to be the happiest."

"Shhh, it is, it has been, I have you. Let's go home, together, and enjoy our first Christmas… besides didn't you tell me quite some time ago I was going to get an engagement ring?"

_(Can't seem to get the line insert thing to work!!! Could be a good place to stop BUT I think perhaps we should see him giving her the ring don't you.... xx Rhonda)_


	15. part 15

_I do hope you've all enjoyed this story - - thanks so much for your reviews…. On to the next adventure!!!_

Part 15 

Clarisse quietly pushed the door open, creeping into the dark warm room and waiting for her eyes adjust to the dusky light. She tiptoed over to the bed, leant over and rested her hand on her husband's forehead and smiled to herself.

They'd been home two days now and Joseph seemed to have done nothing but sleep since they returned. She wasn't sure if it was physical exhaustion or emotional, or perhaps he just wasn't ready to face the world yet. Whatever his reasons she let him rest whilst she returned to work. Mia was beyond grateful to have her grandmother back home, after a month of pretty much coping alone she realised it would be many years before she felt secure enough to really rule 'alone'.

Clarisse lifted the sheets up to cover his bare arm, then turned and walked along the edge of the bed sliding her hand along the shape of his body. As she reached the bottom she was about to leave when Joseph grabbed her waist and brought her down onto the bed engulfing her in his arms and holding her to him.

Her initial instinct was to scream then she began to laugh uncontrollably. He turned her over and tucked her head beneath his chin and closed his eyes contented.

"I thought you were sleeping." She whispered.

"I was, you woke me."

"You're awfully warm." She lifted her arms that were crushed to his chest and slid them over his shoulders.

"Get in..." He murmured.

"Joseph, I'm fully dressed."

"Mmm."

"And I have my shoes on."

"Take them off, get in bed."

She laughed. "No, this was only supposed to be a fleeting visit."

He opened his eyes and smiled at her. "Why?"

"I wanted to check you were alright."

"I'm alright. Just tired." He kissed her forehead. "Are people asking?"

"Only Mia... and Charlotte did enquire."

"Imagine the gossip 'below stairs'."

"I'd rather not."

"The former Queen has already worn her new husband out!"

"Oh goodness no!" She blushed even in the darkness. "Do you think they really could think..."

"I'm sure it's only harmful banter."

"Hmmm." She loosened her hold on him and kissed his cheek. "I have to go."

"Don't."

"It's the middle of the day."

"What time?"

"Almost 3." She ran her finger down his face, beneath his chin until he twitched at the ticklish sensation.

"Are you in the middle of work?"

"Not really, I was giving lessons to Mia this morning on the art of the diplomat." She emphasised her point by elegantly lifting her chin. "And I did have a hair appointment this afternoon."

"Nothing important then, stay here with me." He kissed her head again, closed his eyes and settled back down to sleep.

They lay in silence for a while, Clarisse turned onto her back and Joseph's head dropped to rest on her shoulder. She took his hand, played with his fingers in the darkness, felt the warmth of his skin against hers. The cuts that were so painful only a few days ago were now healing and soon the physical signs of the altercation with his brother would be gone. She doubted whether the emotional affects would be so easy to erase.

He'd hardly spoken about it, only a few words on the flight home. He didn't want anybody to know, he didn't want to see either of them again and he was sorry, again, for ever dragging her into something like that. She couldn't help but feel he had done nothing but continually apologise to her since they'd married, and she didn't mean that in a bad way, she meant she didn't want him to. She wasn't his superior anymore, she doubted whether she ever had been, they needed to really explore these new roles and somehow be once again comfortable in them.

But it was Christmas afterall and whatever troubles had gone before she was determined that this would be the start. This would be a fresh start together, a new year.

The phone rang in the other room and she lifted her head up feeling suddenly sleepy and utterly relaxed.

"Ignore it." He murmured.

"Probably for my hair."

"It's fine… ignore it." He squeezed her stomach.

"I won't be long." She laughed, twisted her head and kissed his mouth. "Dinner later?"

"Of course, I'll even dress."

"Oh how wonderful." She smiled, kissed him once more then got up from the bed. Her head was spinning as she made her way into the lounge and finally answered the private call.

* * *

Charlotte hadn't said much, that Clarisse had a visitor, that she wanted to meet privately and she was in her office waiting. So she smartened herself up, smoothed the creases in her dress that Joseph's hands had just imprinted and made her way to the office. 

Charlotte stood outside with Shades and a new young man that Clarisse hardly knew, Paul something or other. He always blushed whenever his former Queen was in the near vicinity and bent his head in respect. She smiled warmly at him, encouragingly; she could vaguely recall the fear involved in spending your first few months in a royal Palace.

"Charlotte this all seems very mysterious."

"Ma'am, I think…" She stepped closer to her, hushing her voice. "It's Joseph's sister."

Clarisse's head snapped up, Elisa there, now, why the hell?

"She asked to see you, personally, if you could… I didn't think it wise to make her book an appointment."

Clarisse smiled at Charlotte's slight attempt at wit and placed a hand on her shoulder. "No, no I'll see her now. Would you accompany me dear." It was a statement rather than a request.

Charlotte nodded and followed her majesty into the office.

A fire burned in the hearth at the far side of the room and the tall slim lady stood by it, lifting a photo from the mantle piece and staring at it. She didn't notice Clarisse enter the room and stand behind her, hands folded neatly in front of her.

"Excuse me, I don't believe I know you." Clarisse tried to sound calm and full of authority but inside she was shaking.

The lady turned to her, she was beautiful, breathtaking. Huge dark eyes, her skin that same tanned colour as Joseph's and long thick hair carefully arranged in a long plait down her back. There was no mistaking who she was related to.

The lady held out her hand, a large diamond sparkling on her finger.

"We haven't met, Louisa your Majesty, I'm so glad to finally meet you."

Clarisse gripped her hand, she had that same American twang as Mia and she was openly warm and friendly, fresh and her face was one of honesty.

"Oh I'm so glad to meet you too, Joseph has told me so much about you, so much…" She smiled then realised Charlotte was still behind her.

She turned to her, "Charlotte could you arrange for tea."

"Of course ma'am. Right away."

"Thank you."

Charlotte left them alone and Clarisse indicated the sofa waiting for her guest to sit before she smoothed her skirt and sat across from her.

"You seem shocked to see me."

"I have to admit I am a little… concerned."

"I guess there's no point in dragging this on, I spoke to Rico, I know what happened."

"Ahh." She suddenly feared yet another member of her new husband's family was going to hate her.

"And how is he now?"

"Shamed, guilty, Elisa has left him."

"I know. I thought perhaps at some point they might…" she shrugged, "Reunite."

"Possibly, though she seems to have disappeared for the moment."

"Oh goodness, those poor boys."

Louisa smiled. "They're alright, kind of you to care."

"Of course they are part of my family now… afterall."

"And Joseph?"

"I'm not really sure, tired, sleeping at the moment. Would you like me to wake him, he would be overjoyed to see you."

She shook her head. "I can wait."

"You flew all this way, from New York?"

"Non-stop lifestyle as usual, I am planning on going to see Rico, I've invited them to come back to the States with me, for a few weeks at least over Christmas."

Clarisse leant back on the sofa and allowed herself a deep breath. "I can't tell you how relieved am I to finally meet you, I was afraid you would all think me some kind of... I don't know."

"A Royal, we think of you as a royal. And my older brother has been in love with you for as long as I can remember."

Clarisse couldn't help but smile; it didn't shock her that he'd shared this information with his sister. "Joseph said he was always close to you."

"Well out of all the family we were the two who always planned to get out." She leant forward her face taking on a childish look. "When we were kids we used to sit up late at night planning how great our future's were going to be. Who knew he'd go on to marry a Queen?"

Clarisse shook her head. "But you've done very well, obviously." She said indicating Louisa's fine clothes.

"Worked hard, married a businessman."

"So I'm told, why is it we've never met over the years?" She couldn't help but instantly like this woman.

"Well I kinda think my brother was a little embarrassed to perhaps put you on the phone to his sister."

Clarisse smiled sadly. "Yes I suppose so, but now I do know you I must insist that you visit, I want you to be part of the family, all of you."

"Rico?"

"I can forgive, people have done worse to me, over the years."

"You seem such a calm woman."

"That's practice. I am terrified about meeting Joseph's family, I do care what you all think, he is my husband and I want this to work, he knows that." She shrugged. "Despite recent events." She wondered just how much Louisa actually knew about the troubled start to their marriage.

"It can't be easy, for either of you, Joe has never been one for sitting still and taking it easy."

"Neither am I."

"I did sense that about you." She giggled. "Joe would call with a hundred stories about you, what you were doing, the places you visited… tales of glory."

"He never told me that, I can't imagine him being star struck."

"Oh believe me he was, in the beginning. He never actually thought he was good enough for you."

Clarisse's eyes dropped to her folded hands, that was a conversation she and Joseph had, several times over.

"It took me a while." She admitted.

"Resisting his charms."

The lighthearted nature of her words began to ease Clarisse's worries.

The tea arrived and Clarisse waved the maids away preferring to pour herself and maintain the friendly atmosphere that they had achieved so easily.

"Tell me do you have many stories about Joseph when he was young?"

"Oh many."

Clarisse smiled as she handed the teacup over. "Really?"

"Many, many... Joe was always getting into scrapes, as boys so often do. Most of the time I was usually involved in some way too."

"You were?"

"Of course, and Alita and Izzy too, Rico always tagged along."

"Izzy?" Clarisse prompted.

"Isabel, our other sister, didn't Joe say..."

Clarisse closed her eyes embarrassed, of course she knew. "Yes, yes he told me, I remember of course, how terrible it was when it happened. He insisted on working when quite plainly he needed to grieve."

"But he had you."

She nodded. "In a sense yes, he was certainly my rock when Philippe had that awful accident and ... I'm not really sure I would have got through without him."

"It's so good to finally be face to face with you, surreal yes but good."

"Surreal in what sense?"

"Well it's kind of strange when your brother works with royalty but he's been here for so long I've just grown used to it, I hardly ever thought about it. I got used to seeing him in the background on T.V. or in a newspaper..." she shrugged. "But when he calls me one day to say he's finally bit the bullet and got married I hardly imagined it would be to you."

"But you knew that he, well that we..." Try as she might the subject still embarrassed Clarisse.

"I knew he liked you, years ago yes. I used to tease him in the beginning, then it got serious and he was obviously hurting... I'm sorry this really is none of my business."

"No please carry on, it's good to hear it from another perspective."

"He considered leaving at one point, did you know that?" She knew by Clarisse's expression that she did. "Because, well it wasn't a crush was it?"

Clarisse shook her head slowly.

"Then he just stopped talking about you, he never mentioned you when he called or visited and I assumed he'd gotten over you." She took a sip of her tea. "Quite obviously he didn't."

"I'm sorry, we never did stop and consider the possibilities, the effects on others... if we'd planned it properly of course you would have all been there, my intention was never to shut you out."

"I know, it took us all by surprise. You really don't expect your brother to strike lucky and marry a Queen." She gazed around the huge luxurious room. "All this... well I guess he's lived in this type of luxury for years now anyway."

"Only know it's more his aswell."

"You mean that?"

"Of course, I am not royal by blood but marriage, part luck part planning I guess. All this is Mia's now, and whatever is mine is Joseph's. I believe in marriage, that's the reason we struggled to find a balance in our relationship for so long because I believed in marriage, in the holiness of it."

"And your first introduction to our family finds you witnessing the rather messy break up of one."

"I'm also not blind to the ways of the world. I knew Elisa wasn't happy as soon as I met her."

"She's always had a crush on Joe, part hero worship I think, he was the one who went out and achieved."

"Along with you."

"I didn't marry royal."

Clarisse smiled. "But you married for love."

"Yes, I did."

"Children?"

"No, unfortunately not, never could..."

"Oh I am sorry."

"As it turns out it looks like I'll be spending rather a lot of time with my nephews anyway now."

"I'm so glad they have you."

Louisa reached over and squeezed Clarisse's hand. "And I'm so glad my brother finally has you. I was beginning to think he was destined to never marry and all that love would go to waste."

"Oh it hasn't, believe me. Even if we hadn't married it would never have gone to waste..." She returned the warm squeeze of Louisa's hand. "Stay for a while, I'd be happy for you too."

"I must go to Rico, this was a passing call if you like."

"Then at least for the night, have dinner, I'll arrange a flight for you tomorrow to Spain."

"There's no need really."

"Please, let me help, I can do that much."

Louisa smiled brightly. "Thank you. That would be wonderful."

"Good, now let me call Charlotte and organise a room, I'm sure you'd like the chance to rest after your journey."

Once again in her element at the chance to offer assistance Clarisse hurried to the phone to start making arrangements.

* * *

"Tell me about these problems." 

"You sound like an agony aunt."

"Perhaps, an agony sister."

"I forget how difficult it is to hide anything from you."

"Then you shouldn't try, why didn't you call me, to talk things over. Why didn't you tell me about Rico before it went this far?"

"I don't particularly want to talk about Rico at all anymore."

"You must, you can't ignore him."

"I can have a damn good try. He had my wife over a table, who knows what would have happened if I hadn't got there Lou. Anything..." His voice trailed off angry, upset. "I can't let that happen, how could he, to her, how could he ever treat her like that?"

"I don't know, but I won't let him turn into Dad. He isn't him, it can't happen."

"I know, I know."

They stopped at the Gazebo and sat on the wall looking out over the frosty garden. Louisa slipped her hand into Joseph's.

"You're lucky you do realise that don't you... you got out."

"I know, and he didn't and the guilt I feel over that is immense. But he brings so much on his self I can't keep bailing him out, not this time, not after what he did."

"I know. I understand. But what I really meant is you're lucky, and not because you've married a Queen but because you waited for so long Joe, I know how long! And you did marry for love, in the end."

He smiled, looked down at their entwined hands. "Yes, I never really believed it would happen. I proposed here you know."

"I thought it was a spontaneous wedding!" She exclaimed.

"It was, she turned me down."

"Oh... oh!"

He laughed. "I guess she had other plans."

"So why this depression?"

"I'm not used to not working, to playing second fiddle. It was a shock, this sudden culture shock to be back here after the wedding and the coronation and then the honeymoon and everything had changed but somehow still the same. Except for me, I felt different, and I didn't know how to deal with that."

"Talking might have helped." She nudged his arm.

"Now you know I've never been very good at that." He smiled. "But I know better now, I could never be without here. The amount of times I considered leaving over the years, when it all got too much and I couldn't stand the jealousy – the loneliness."

"But you always stayed, and look what you bloody got in return you lucky beggar!"

"Now who's jealous?" He teased.

"Don't mess this up, I'm expecting a good yearly holiday out of this."

"Open invitation, always has been, and drag your husband away from his work to join you."

"Oh most definitely." She yawned. "Sorry, long day, heck of a journey."

"Of course, what time will you leave tomorrow?"

"Whenever Clarisse has organised the flight for."

"Then you should speak to Charlotte, I'll speak to her."

"Thank you." She kissed his cheek. "It's good to see you Joseph, I miss you. I never realise how much until I'm sitting talking to you."

"Family bonds…" He mused, then stood up lifting her with him. "Do you need me to show you to your suite?"

"With my memory of course not! I've remembered each step. Besides I was lucky enough to get the grand tour from no other than the former Queen."

"That's more than I got."

"Ahh but you get to share her bedroom."

He smiled, his eyes sparkling. "That I do."

"Like I said, luck, all the luck in the world." She held his hand tightly. "Don't muse on what's gone before Joseph, on the time that's been wasted or the mistakes that have been made. It's too short, enjoy this now."

She hugged him close, her eyes filling with tears; it had been so very long since she'd seen him. So long since she'd had his wonderful company to herself.

"Thank Clarisse for dinner, it was wonderful. Or whoever it is you have to thank around here."

"I'll pass your compliments on to the Chef." He slowly led her through the garden, back up the steps to the patio entrance and into the Palace.

She kissed and hugged him at the bottom of the grand staircase and then made her way up to her room. He stood at the bottom watching until she was out of sight. Then acting on his promise went to the kitchen and passed on her goodwill before locating Charlotte and inquiring about the time of his sister's departure the following morning.

* * *

Mia and Clarisse had been in the library for the past hour or so, supposedly discussing the fact Mia had her first public meet and greet tomorrow morning. Only when he got there he found Clarisse seated in the large chair in front of the fire and Mia sitting at her feet with a Santa hat propped on her head. 

She turned and smiled at him over her shoulder when he entered the room.

"Ahh sleepy head I was beginning to think you may never resurface again."

He lifted the hat from her head. "And this is our Queen." He smiled meeting Clarisse's gaze.

"Everything alright?" She asked lightly.

"Fine, everything's fine. Lou passes on her regards for your hospitality."

"But of course." She said smiling.

Mia jumped to her feet. "Off to bed, sensing serious talk." As she reached the door she turned back. "You know now I know about Louisa that means I have a friend to visit in New York."

Clarisse glared. "You have no time for visiting friends."

"Grandmother, potential shopping trip!" She said gleefully before leaving the room.

"You know sometimes I think she's regressing rather than getting older."

"Perhaps it's a good thing, the weight of running a country isn't dampening her enthusiasm for life."

"True." She looked up at him as he stood staring into the fire. "So really, everything is alright?"

He closed his eyes and shook his head before looking at her. "Everything is wonderful." He placed the stolen Santa hat on her head. "Pretty cute."

"Joseph." She admonished snatching it from her head. "Your sister is lovely, very much like you."

"Better than me, thinks things through more than I ever do."

"What do you mean by that?" She stretched her legs out in front of her and moved to stand in front of her holding his hands out.

"Meaning she knew how much I loved you all those years ago, and she knows now that whatever happens I could never be without you."

She accepted his hands and stood close to him. "She's a very intelligent lady."

"Yes." He kissed her gently. "All these problems we've had, these last few months I expected blissful happiness, not soul searching and broken hearts."

"You can't plan for all eventualities. I never expected Mia would be Queen, I never expected to marry again, or ever feel this way. But after all this Joseph, I still haven't answered your original request, to give all this up and simply be with you."

"And I would no longer ask you too. This is you, maybe at some point you'll feel confident enough to retire completely but not now, you love it too much."

"I love you more."

"Then my only request is one day a week put aside, every week, for you and I to spend time alone together."

She leant forward and kissed his mouth just like she did on their wedding day. "Two days."

"From January?"

"From January."

"Thank you."

"Oh no, thank you, for understanding… as you always do. And have you decided what you would like to do?"

"Not yet, perhaps I should take up writing, I do have plenty of stories to tell."

"Gardening would be a better idea." She squeezed his hands.

"I have something for you."

"Oh?"

"Come." He led her through the library to the private room and instantly her heartbeat sped up.

She must act surprised, he mustn't know she'd already found it.

"I tried to give you this once before." He said gently.

Now she was surprised. "You did?"

"Yes, our anniversary, one month anniversary but, well things happened as they do and I never got the chance" He dropped her hand and pulled the album out from the shelf, reaching behind it for the small box. "I know we said we'd choose together but I got impatient, and this seemed perfect."

She smiled as he opened the box and looked hopefully at her. "Clarisse, my darling, I've never loved anyone but you and I want the honour of spending the rest of my life with you."

She gulped back her tears; there was no need to pretend how she was feeling. "I love you to and yes, of course yes, a thousand times over."

She threw her arms over his shoulders and held him tight to her.

"Do you want to try it on?"

"It fits… I mean I'm sure it fits." She held out her hand and he slipped the ring in place next to her wedding band.

"Perfect." He said contented.

"As I expected." She smiled. "Whatever happens, whatever has happened, never let usbe apart again."

"Never. I'm not that stupid."

He brought her close to him for a long lingering kiss, felt her heartbeat in time with his, her warm hands, the pulse at her wrist. He must share everything with her; tell her every little detail about his life, every moment of joy and pain. Because if she didn't know, if she couldn't share in those memories with him then somehow they would seem less important. Without her being part of his life he would be incomplete.


End file.
